Speech by Tony Wagstaff

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Tony Wagstaff
Speech Date: Feb 2009
To Daniel and Haley, Debbie and Steve, Rita, Carol, Alan, the wedding party honoured guest””s, friends. I would like to add my welcome to you to this truly magnificent reception.

At many of the weddings where I have been a guest, the best man often starts his speech with a little story of where when and under what circumstances he first met the bridegroom.

Dan and I first met in a maternity hospital in southern England on 12 Feb. 1975. We go back a long way.
He was a bit red in the face a bit wrinkly, I have to tell the truth he looked a bit of a mess so no change there then except of course today However a good slap on the bottom butt soon sorted him out. I was very proud of him that day and I am very proud of him today.
Few people know this but we almost named him Wednesday, after the day on which he was born. Apparently I took one look at him and said to Rita, right lets call it a day. Interestingly Tiger Woods was born on the same day same year as Dan, but having seen him play golf this morning there the similarity ends.

Coupled with my duties as best man, as Dan””s Father it is my pleasure to firstly welcome our new daughter-in-law into the family he could not have made a better choice. I””m sure you will agree with me when I say she has never looked more radiant or beautiful than she does today.

Choosing your Dad for your best man is a little unusual so imagine my delight in being asked on this very important day in their lives. Thank you both.

I would also like to offer my own compliments and thanks to the Ushers, Groomsmen Junior Groomsman and the Ring Bearer, and special thanks to Rev Vic Willis for conducting the ceremony. No turning back now you too.
I know you would want me to speak on your behalf and thank Debbie and Steve for hosting this amazing reception, not forgetting of course the management and staff at the Breakers. Great job.

I wanted to do the job of best man justice so I decided some research was needed and as most people do I turned to the internet.

I set out to search for information on the responsibilities of the best man along with some hints and tips but as anyone who has used the internet will know, it is very easy to get side tracked especially when the wife's out.

Joking aside I did find some interesting stuff on continental drift. I know you didn't come here for a lecture on plate tectonics tec ton ics and geography but this is interesting stuff.

Apparently the continents of Europe and America very apt subject today with the union of Daniel and Haley are moving towards each other at a rate of about 5 cms a year about 2 inches Now this is very slow progress. Scientists have actually created a scale to measure things that move very slowly known as the Daniel Wagstaff scale as it based on the time it has taken him to make honest women of Haley.

However in the true traditions of best man speeches I have a few little stories so you get to know him a little better.

I remember a time when he was about 8 years old and during a holiday break he went to a local summer camp for a week. First time away from home we were a little anxious.
However we need not have worried When we collected him he was a slightly upset, I remember saying to him don””t upset yourself son you””re home now. He said I know but I'm crying because I want to go back. He produced a certificate of achievement and we were of course very pleased and asked what you excelled at to earn such a prize. He told us at the farewell party he won the competition for the boy who best dressed up as a girl. A proud moment indeed. You have much to learn about your husband Haley.
He went back to the same camp the following year won many certificates for more manly pursuits and was voted top boy for achievement and participation.

Moving from the distant past to more present times.

I was speaking to Haley earlier today and mentioned to her the three elements of the wedding ceremony, The Aisle, The Alter, and The Hymn, she was obviously trying to memorise them as she went away muttering I””ll Alter Him

Haley if you will be so kind as to put your hand flat on the table and Daniel if you will put yours on top. Dan from experience this is probably the last time you will have the upper hand.

Looking for more recent material I sent an email to many of his friends asking for help. I did however impose a few restrictions on the subject matter as I don””t want to see him married and divorced in the same day.

Here are a few of their replies

Mark tells me at college rooming together Dan had some strange habits. beer, cold chili and a cigarette for breakfast while watching Jerry Springer on TV. You may like to make a note of that in your recipe book Haley.
In their apartment the furniture was rather old, and in fact mice had gotten into a chair and were roaming around inside. Embarrassing, there is only so many times you can tell visitors it””s a massage Chair.
Dan has been getting in shape for the wedding No exercise of course but cutting down on his food. We had Pizza last night and I said to him shall I cut it into 8 pieces he said no better make it 4 I””ll never eat 8

Another friend told me I am not sure whether I can help….see….Dan has never really done anything interesting that””s worth talking about! Not like me he said proudly but that””s only Russell””s opinion for you

Dan can sell anything to everyone! His friend Prov wrote to tell me the time that Dan secured jobs for them both cleaning at Broxbourne School during the summer holidays. Little did I realise that the only reason we got the jobs was because Dan had told the caretaker janitor that I had the skills to use an industrial buffing machine. As you can imagine it was mayhem! Dan was cracking up with laughter as the machine dragged Prov across the school canteen on his face. I still have the scars on my knees as a reminder he told me. This was the start of Dan””s career of being an entrepreneur and sales man! Dan can make money out of anything including it would seem his friends!

Then there was the time that Dan ran the 1500 metres at school. Everybody in the race stopped after crossing the finishing line except Dan. He continued to run at full pelt like Forest Gump across the school””s sport fields. It was only later that they discovered that Dan had overexerted himself during the race and had vomited which was still in his mouth. AHHHHH On crossing the finishing line as there were girls watching he ran to the changing rooms to be sick! What a gentleman!! Dan even ran the 400 metres race later that day and if Prov remembers correctly he was beaten by a girl!

A word of advice Dan The best way to remember your anniversary is to forget it once. But I digress

Duncan who else, told me a story of when Dan took Haley out on a date and ended up in a gay bar! To most of us, alarm bells would be ringing when you pull up outside a bar called ”Zippers”..not Dan they go inside and order drinks..not quite sure when the penny dropped but probably about the time a bunch of leather clad bikers started to Foxtrot!

Brian tells me there was the time Daniel was moved to sing &ampquotI love you Haley&quot to her at Lake Grandbury. There may have been alcohol involved as Duncan””s set Daniel a dare which he accepted. Duncan then told him to take off his shirt, walk out to the dock area and sing &ampquotI love you Haley&quot at the top of his lungs while swinging his shirt over his head. This was about 4 or 5 months before he proposed. His friends tell me they all knew at that point that is was only a matter of time.

I was talking to Debbie last night and she told me that shortly after being introduced, to Haley””s father, Steve asked Dan if his intentions towards his daughter were honorable or dishonorable. Dan was quite surprised and pleased by this, as he didn't realize he had a choice.

Those of you, who know Haley and Dan well, if you don””t you are properly at the wrong wedding, will want to join me in wishing them a wonderful life together.

Thank you for listening if you have been, It has been my pleasure to be Daniels Dad his friend a drinking and sporting buddy his best man and to have the opportunity today to verbally roam a little over his life so far and to wish him and his new bride health happiness and good fortune all their lives .
It””s been an emotional day even the cake was in tiers.
The company is excellent, hospitality could not be better we have a beautiful bride to admire and an evening of partying ahead of us.

I would ask you to charge your glasses one more time and be upstanding May the roof above you never fall in and may you never fall out The toast is Daniel and Haley