Speech by Viv Griffiths

Speech Type: Father of the bride/groom
Speech Creator: Viv Griffiths
Speech Date: Jul2007
Now comes the time I have been waiting for and dreading for 27 years. Oh sorry can you all hear me at the back? Good! By the way do you know why the tables are arranged as they are? Those at the front have bought the more expensive presents.Tracy and Den Jess and Steve would like to thank you for the pegs but say that there was really no need to buy the bag as well.

I should like to remind you all that laughter is not essential but tonight's buffet can still be cancelled.

Although I have been looking forward to making a speech at my daughter's wedding for many years , the last ew days have seen me having more and more trouble with my stomach and bowels. This is actually not the first time today that I have got up from a plastic seat with a piece of paper in my hand.I've done it so many tomes that the whole event should be sponsored by Immodium!

There are certain things that should be seen at a wedding and one of them is a blushing bride.Well, at the moment that isn't happening so I amabout to change that.

I have always been very proud of Jess, since the age of 11 she has always insisted that ,as far as her career was concerned, she alswys wanted to do something with feet. now a chiropodist. Jan and I ,as good parents, always encouraged her by saying things like ”Pop down the shop and get a pint of milk”.This was when we realised that she meant other peoples” feet.

I felt proud everytome I saw perform in the school concerts, singing, playing the recorder, doing the mime. My biggest thrill, however was in the school sports. When one of her team failed to turn up for the High Jump, Jess jumped in straight away. One, two, three, four,five times she went over but only on that sixth attempt did she fail. Yes putting the bar up to 6 inches was just that bit too much.

Now its,um,um looked at paper oh yes Steve's turn. Steve is a bit of an all acttion sort of chap-you know,mountain bikes,jeeps,fast cars, transfers on his arms. He's the sort of guy who would have a vasectomy and jog home…..like I did.

Well I must admit that I did check Steve out. I went to the local police station and asked them if they had ever had any complaints about a Steven Rees. The desk sergeant said that they had not…everytime he had spent a night in their cells he had behaved perfectly.

And now they are getting married, Jess and um…what's his name again. I am only joking he has become like a son to me….argumentative, disrespectful and he drinks my strongbow.

When Steve asked for Jessica's hand in marriage I was delighted..I thought it would be the hand that had been dipping into my wallet faor the last 26 years. I understand that they have signed a pre-nuptial agreement. Steve will do the cooking and Jess will switch on the dishwasher.

Joking aside I wish them both the very best . There have been many jokes or wise sayings about marriage over the years but the best one I have seen comes from the great American hero Wyatt Earp in a biography. He said that on his wedding night he went to the hotel in Dodge City and said to the clerk ”I'm Wyatt Earp,this is my new wife. It's my wedding night and I want the best room in the hotel”.

The clerk said” Certainly Mr Earp, would you like the bridal”. Earp replied ”No son, I'll just hold her ears until she gets the hang of it”.
Ladies and Gentlemen, and I mean that very loosely, I can say no more than to wish Jess and Steve the very best for the future