Speech by Andrew Moderate

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Andrew Moderate
Speech Date: mar 2004
Ladies and Gentlemen, you are about to witness a unique event in history. This is the very first and very last time that Lisa is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us. It is a privilege and an honour to do so.

But I will try to be brief. However, I do have one or two things I'd like to say and so many people to thank that you might think you've walked into an Oscar ceremony by mistake, so please relax and bear with me for a few minutes. Loosen your clothing if it helps – but don't start trying to loosen anybody else's – I'm afraid it's not that kind of party.

So, I finally decided to start my speech by saying, On behalf of my wife and I………..… I would like to welcome you all here today, thank you for coming, and saying how pleased we are that you could be with us to help celebrate our big day. There are times when it's good to be surrounded by the people who are important to you, and for us today is one of those occasions.

Today, so far has been a day beyond my wildest dreams. They say you don't marry someone you can live with – you marry the person who you cannot live without which is very true with Lisa

So my first thank you goes to Lisa, my wife, my bride. You look absolutely gorgeous. Even though you know everything about me and yet you still said "I do".

You are beautiful, intelligent, supporting, kind, funny, caring……….… Sorry I can't read your writing, what does that word say……..…

I realize that I'm getting the best of this deal, because I get you while all you get is me, so I would like to drink my own private toast to you and to our future together. I know that today is the result of the best decision I have ever made, and I'll try my best to make sure that you can say the same thing.

It has to be said, Lisa has been rather more involved than I have in planning today, and I'd like to congratulate her on a fine job. Of course, Wedding organization has never been an equal opportunities business anyway, but she did let me sign the occasional cheque – which was nice.

Tradition dictates that I now tell you an amusing story or two about Lisa; unfortunately she dictates that I do no such thing. But I will say, that we've been living together now for nearly 9 months, and in that time I've learned a very valuable lesson,

Whenever you're Wrong – Admit It!!

Whenever you're Right – Keep Quiet!!

I've also been told that in many a sticky situation where the right response is important two words can come in very handy – and they are…

"YES DEAR".

However, I would like to extend the same slap I received recently to the person who gave me this advice. These words do not work in all situations, especially when asked ‘Does my bum look to big in this?’

Those of you that don't know too much about Lisa and I, you might be surprised to know that Lisa and I met at a Salsa club in St Albans a little over a year ago. I have to thank Sheila for this, apparently… because if it wasn't for her, and I will talk to her later, then Lisa would not have gone to that club on that fateful night, and we would not be here with all our friends celebrating this special day. So to Sheila, wherever you are, you have my utmost……… thanks.

Seriously though, you have made today the best day of my life. You're my best friend and I love you to bits. I hope that I can make you as happy as you make me.

To Lisa's bridesmaid, Mary. We would like to say how particularly lovely she looks today, and say a special thanks to her for giving Lisa all the support that she has in the run up to the wedding. I also know that you helped organise a great hen party – and I will find out what happened one day. But also due to the number of phone calls between Lisa and Mary, BT would also like to say a special thank you to you both. And just to show our appreciation to you…
We have a small gift for you, from Lisa and I as a way of saying thank you for all you have done.

We would also like to thank Jo and Mary for their readings today, I hope you all enjoyed them as much as we did.

Thanks also to all of our other friends for coming today. I never knew you could brush up so well. It's amazing the lengths some people will go to for a free party. It's really great to see you all here.

Which brings me, reluctantly to the subject I've been putting off until last – my Best Man. Every Bridegroom needs a Best Man he can totally rely on, somebody organised who can take charge and make the day run smoothly – a person who is very serious and responsible. But what do you do if you don't know anybody like that? Well in my case I picked Darren. I
could not think of anyone who I would rather have as Best Man for my wedding …no seriously I couldn't…I tried…but they were all busy.

For some strange reason, custom says that the Groom has to present his defence before he's had the opportunity of hearing the Best Man making the case for the prosecution. I have no idea what stories he is planning on telling you about me, and frankly I'm worried. Because my character is so unblemished he might have to resort to making something up and Darren's never been one to let the truth get in the way of a good story. So please take anything he tells you with the appropriate pinch of salt.

But it might be a good idea to at least pretend to listen politely. He has promised that if everybody laughs in the right places he'll do the short version of his speech – and I think that's in all our interests. For myself I shall probably just slide slowly under the nearest table – just to be on the safe side.

Well, I'm just about done, thank you again for being here today, for the wonderful gifts, for your good wishes and most of all for your friendship now and in the future. I hope you all have a wonderful evening.…

Thank you.