Speech by Andrew Poyser

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Andrew Poyser
Speech Date: mar 2003
I have planned this speech after endless nights on the delayed 19.04 from London ever since we booked the wedding and that was back in October 2001.
So seeing how long that's been, you lot are probably thinking this speech is gonna be good.
Well Don't get your hopes up…………
Firstly,
Kriss, Thank you for agreeing to be my best man. I've known Kriss for a lot of
years now, nearly 22, and he has been, and will continue to be a great Friend.
Knowing him so well, I know that he will be extremely nervous about his speech right now, so much so that I'm sure it will not be the first time today that you've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in your hand.
But don't worry mate, I've seen you make a fool of yourself in front of a crowd before, in Particular, in Ibiza in 1998., so just imagine you're in the bar. But the kind of bar where you keep your trousers ON.
Unfortunately, being the groom, it is not my job to assassinate the
character of my best man, However Ive retrieved

(Looking at Kriss – Present Half Used Tube of Cream)

the half used of tube haemoroide cream you left in you coat that night, Come on Kriss you Remember, The Night you lost your coat in that Club, and was asked, when you rang up to find its whereabouts if it had any distinguishing marks, this is all they could find, but unfortunately Kriss, they still couldn't find your coat.

But Whilst I'm on the subject of my friends, my next thanks goes to my four great
ushers, David my Brother, Carly's Brother Joe, Alex and Nick.…
Oh and Alex don't go getting your smarties out tonight and if there are any single females , see alex, im sure he will show you personally .
Im Sure youll all agree they have done an excellent job today…
Also thanks to Joli for being Carly's Bridesmaid and little chuckie for managing to keep hold of the rings, Joli and Charlie, you both look fantastic today..
Just a quick thanks whilst going down the list, to Friends Emma & Tanya, For Organising Carly's hen night, Andy Wells and Natalie Kempson for the Readings during the ceremony, The list is endless…… But I want to sit down.…
Actually Come to think of it I didn't think I had that many friends.
Anyway it has been an honour to have you all, such close friends and Family, sitting here with Us (My Wife and I ) on this special day.
Dad & Chris
My thanks also goes to My Dad and his wife Chris, they were the ones who really saw what I got upto before I met up with Carly. They'd see me coming in drunk weekend after weekend, and each week I would do something or wake up in a different place.
One Particular night I remember was the night I got in to bed, and a few hours later I got up for work. Staggered in the shower still drunk from the night before.. The next thing I remember is being woken up by someone and helped off the floor.
I though been taken in by the man up there, The room was filled with steam from the shower and it was baking in there, or so I am told, the someone was my dad! And his words to me were “what the bloody hell are you upto? It turned out I thought it was a Monday Morning.
It was actually a Sunday Morning, and more importantly I was more concerned that my dad had seen me in all my glory. But again just, thanks for everything,! I assure you it wont happen again.
Moving on!
Mum & Mick
My Thanks go to my Mum and Mick for their support over the past few years, In particular my Mum, Sue, She made the cake, and im sure you will all agree that it is absolutely stunning, cant wait to get my chops round that later.
One thing that I have never really forgiven my mum for is her fascination with the colour pink. My Mum used to dress me in pink when I was a kid, and I still cant believe it. This colour has been a part of my life for many years and its highly embarrassing, she even bought a grown man, like myself a pink shirt for work.
Mum I don't like pink, I am a man. Pink is for girls. But again I would just like to thank both you and Mick for all your love and Support over the last few years. & Mick be careful you could end up in pink too..…
Joe & Lynne
My Thanks also go to Joe and Lynne, for being such smashing parents and for letting me stay at their house before carly and I moved in together. I still remember waking up to the loud sounds of Joes’ Country and western banging out from the conservatory. but still i find myself tapping my foot everytime I hear those classic notes.
I was also always the last in the bathroom the morning after through fear of bumping in to Joe in the hallway, and having to explain what we had been up to the night before, You see Trying to explain that I had a secret knitting fettish wasn't going to be easy.
But more than that I'd like to thank them for raising such a beautiful daughter. To anyone who knows Carly, it is obvious that they have done a great job, helping mould her into the wonderful person she is today.
Come to think of it, I must just say – isn't it funny how history repeats itself? 23
years ago Carly’ s mum and dad were putting her to bed with a dummy – and now
it's happening all over again!
When I asked Joe if I could marry Carly, I took him to the pub for a few drinks. Thought I would do it properly, I was an absolute nervous wreck for days before, after all I had taken his daughter on our first date to the tyre centre. And do you know what he said to me……
“If you think you can handle her YES, now get the beers in….…
By the way Joe I haven't forgotten, I'll sign that receipt for you later.
You see Joe has written out a receipt for me, it says:
Received one daughter in perfect condition, fully guaranteed, fully
warranted. Comes complete with all extras.
Warning: has tendency to get irritable if doesn't have final say on EVERYTHING
Care notes: gets bored easily, keep busy with constant supply of chores (think that says Chores or it Could be Chocolate).
“No problem.” (Looking at Joe)
But not to be outdone, my dad has a receipt for Carly, it says:
Received one son, sold as seen, no refunds under any circumstances. We've
re-decorated the room and changed the locks so you're stuck with him.
Warning: the slight discolouration is dirt, which may come off with vigorous scrubbing. But don't count on it as it's been there that long.
Care Notes: de-hydrates easily, top up regularly with beer.
Joe: One final thing, —– For Months and Months Joe has been on at me, and everytime I see him he asks me the same question:
“So why do you want to get married then”
Well Joe, I can now tell you, Its because I love Carly very much and want to be with her indefinatley. It's a way of showing my devotion to Carly. Carly is someone who is Absolutly Stunning, gorgeous, and beautiful and someone who I cant be without.
They say You don't marry someone you can live with – you marry the person who you cannot live without which is very true with Carly, (Looking at Carly) Sorry Babes, You are easy to live with…….…
Honestly
And whilst looking forward and preparing myself for today I wasn't prepared enough for when I saw her walk down the aisle oozing with elegance and grace. I was overwhelmed to the say the least by how beautiful Carly looked.
I should be used to it now as Carly always dresses to kill , unfortunately cooks the same way. Although i shouldn't have a go at her cooking that much she done a lovely meal a few days ago only slightly burning it…..… But it was a lovely salad.
Only kidding babe
As Carly will tell you – I'm often wrong, but being a man I like to think im right, but in marrying you darling, I know I've made the right decision and just hope that every day is as happy as today but not as expensive
You'll all be glad to hear that I've come to my final thank you. Carly, thank you for marrying me. I am devoted to you, I have so much to thank you for, and I love you with all of my heart. You look absolutely stunning today, but then, you look stunning to me every day.
Now just before I pass you over to Kriss and David, I would ask that you would all be upstanding, and join me in a toast..
To my Wife, My Bride – may she share everything with her husband, including the housework
To my wife, my Bride: she knows all about me and loves me just the same