Speech by Andrew Skinner

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Andrew Skinner
Speech Date: Apr2004
Introduction

Ladies and Gentlemen, Friends and Relatives, and any stray golfers who've wandered in, I wanted to avoid what I think is the biggest cliché of wedding speeches, which is starting it with the phrase “my wife and I…”. So, on behalf of “my ex-girlfriend and I", welcome to our wedding – I hope you're all enjoying yourselves on this special day. It's great to see you all and I can honestly say it would have been rubbish without you. It would also have been a hell of a lot cheaper without you, but that's beside the point.

Thanks to the father of the bride (and any other speakers) for their speeches.

I'd like to thank Jay for his speech, for being a great representative for Angela, and for getting her to the ceremony on time. Although given how well most of us know Jay, I should probably be thanking Angela for getting him to the ceremony on time!

As you probably all know, the reason why Jay is sat there is that Angela's dad, Jim, sadly died a few years ago. Whilst no one could actually take his place today, neither Angela nor I could think of anyone else better placed to perform his duties, so thank you for that.

Jim didn't see us get engaged, and probably didn't think we'd end up planning the rest of our lives together, and that's a cause for sadness. But from what Angela and her mum and family have told me, he would have very much approved of me, of today, and of us becoming husband and wife – and that means a lot to both of us.

I do know that Jim was very proud of Angela, as you can all see from the photos of him we've put on the tables; that's what I like to call those the ”Prize-Winning Cabbage” poses. Having seen Angela looking so beautiful and radiant today, I know how he must have felt.

There's just one more thing I'd like to say about Jim, and that's that today would have been his birthday. It seems very fitting to be celebrating our marriage on this day, and that's one more way we can keep his memory close to us. I'd like you all to join me as I raise a toast to Jim.

So it's left to Margaret to welcome me into her family. What can I say about my new mother-in-law that Les Dawson hasn't already? Actually, Margaret couldn't be any further away from the stereotypical dragon of a mother-in-law. She's always welcomed me and made me feel loved, and she's always been very generous with her time and her support. Whenever we've gone to visit she's greeted me with a smile, a batch of freshly baked buns, and a list of at least three things that need fixing. It really is like having two mothers!

It's a real pleasure to be your son-in-law, and I'll do my very best to live up to your expectations of me and to look after your daughter – and you – in the very best way I can.

Some topical remarks about how successfully the wedding is going, perhaps drawing in references to any amusing or striking incidents that have happened on the day.

Today's going really well so far, and I put that down to the fact that Angela had a hand in so much of it; to be fair, all I had to do was sort out the weather…

Thank and offer presents to all the people who have helped with the wedding, including the two sets of parents (especially the mothers) and the ‘retinue’ – bridesmaids, ushers, page boys, flower girls etc.

I'd like to make a few Thank You's;

The first one is to my mum and dad for making the very best of their own difficult situation and never forgetting that despite their differences, I was still their son. You brought me up with that in mind, and your approach helped make me what I am today – very nervous and a little bit emotional!!

I'd also like to thank them for all love and support they've given me over the years, although I'm not sure some of their early advice was up to much. So, just to clarify, I never did take anyone's eye out with it, I never caught a cold from not drying it properly, and I don't look like this (face) because the wind changed!

Now the proper ones;

My Mum for not only providing us with such a beautiful cake today, but for right at the beginning arranging and making our appointments with photographers, discos, florists and so on – especially when we were off sunning ourselves in Cuba! That was a real help, thank you.

Margaret for giving us a fantastic honeymoon in Australia, which we're leaving for not this week, week after (Peter Kay, look at watch, do hand movement, give you a call when we're there…).

Dad and Barbara for ensuring we have a great reception and are able to eat and drink well today. And for the touching and appropriate words at the start of the speeches.

Marie and Julie, two of our closest friends, for performing such beautiful readings at the ceremony.

Daniel, my brother, for performing the role of Chief Usher today. I'm not entirely sure it was necessary to search all the ladies handbags, but he's thorough if nothing else. It means a lot to me that you wanted to take such an active part in the wedding, and that you've maintained a keen interest even though you're miles away, studying hard at University. But what means even more to me is that, as a student, you've managed to get out of bed before lunchtime and look smart on the same day; I know that was hard for you, so thanks!

Also the bridesmaids; my sister Deborah, and our close friends Marie and Rachel, who I think look almost as good as Angela, and have been excellent today. Not only did they manage to walk down the aisle without falling over, but they've also managed to keep Angela happy and calm for the past 24 hours – if you can tell me the secret girls, I'd love to know! As Chief bridesmaid, Rachel has also given Angela great moral support in the run up to today, as well as from what I hear, some actual physical support on the Hen night! In fact you've all been so great that I'm planning to use you every time I get married. Thank you all so much.

Finally, I read recently that it's traditional at weddings for the Groom to look much more handsome than the Best Man, and I'd just like to thank Stewart for making such an effort to uphold that tradition!!!

Thank everyone for coming. Send good wishes to any guests who are too ill to attend etc.

As I said before, it is great to see all of you here today, and it's true that you never realise how many friends and family you actually have until you've got to fit them into 72 seats! So for those of you who were plucked out of the hat, well done!!

It's particularly good to see my cousin David and his wife Shannon, who've flown over from Dallas to be here with us today.

I'd also like to thank everyone for their contribution to our rather unusual, internet based Gift List; although we haven't got any physical presents yet, your generosity in contributing vouchers should keep us busy shopping for many weeks to come, and is much appreciated.

There are a few people who unfortunately couldn't be here today, most notably Nannan Skinner and Gran Wilson, who at 99 and 87 years of age respectively, are just a little too frail to be thrust into events like these, but I'm sure they'll be having a small sherry and sending us their happiness.

Also, Margaret and Mick, old friends of ours (literally) who are on an African safari at the moment, and are as disappointed as we are that they're not able to see our big day.

So if you'll all raise your glasses, I propose a toast to absent friends.

Describe the background to the happy day. How did you and your bride meet? What were your first impressions – and hers? Who made the first move? Any other amusing or embarrassing .

Angela and I had actually known each other for a number of years before we became an item; she was my boss at WH Smith in Nottingham. I ran the News department for her, which involved putting the morning papers out, keeping the shelves full and tidy and sending back all the old magazines. She'd generally start work after me, finish before me, tell me what I ought to be doing next, point out where I'd gone wrong, and then take all the credit for any success we had. She was also paid more than I was, so whilst I was doing all the hard work, she was getting all the money. But now of course we're married…

We had a uniform, part of which was beige “slacks” for men. At some point, my allocated “slacks” had either shrunk, or I'd grown, but they'd stopped being “slacks” and become a little tight around the backside and the legs. So, I kept asking ‘the boss’ for a new pair but there was always some reason why I couldn't have them;
Out of stock
Budget cuts, can't afford them
She was a very busy lady, and had just forgotten

So I continued wearing these ill-fitting “John Travolta” trousers, until I got promoted and could order my own trousers. It wasn't until after we got together and this came up in conversation that Angela admitted the real reason she'd never ordered any was because she liked the way I looked in them!

As far as I can tell there've been no long lasting effects, but just remember, if the patter of tiny feet aren't immediately forthcoming, then it's not my fault!

It must be very strange for Angela to sit up here with the other 2 men in my family, because in these suits the likeness is uncanny. In fact, if she looks from left to right it must be like seeing what she could have had, what she's actually got, and what she's going to end up with…

I couldn't ask for a better wife than Angela – she'd kill me if I did!

Say something addressed exclusively from you to your bride about how happy you are to be marrying her and how much you are looking forward to your shared future etc.

As you can all see, Angela looks absolutely beautiful today; she's also hardworking, intelligent, kind…
The list goes on, but I can't read the rest of her handwriting.…

In all seriousness, Angela does look absolutely stunning; I thought I'd be prepared for it, but I was really taken aback when I first saw her. I felt extremely proud to be stood next to her.

I'm also very proud of the things Angela's done in the time we've been together;
She's abseiled down the tallest building in Nottingham for charity, and completed a 5km run for charity with Marie & Rachel; showing her determination and kindness.
Worked towards a career in Human Resources, and doing some pretty rubbish jobs for pretty horrible people in the process. But she stuck at it and got to where she wanted to be.
She also undertook a 3 year Post Graduate degree course, involving one night a week at college and lots if studying at home, whilst holding down her full time job. She graduated in 2002, and is now a chartered member of the Institute of Personnel and Development; this shows she has brains as well as beauty.

I'm also very thankful that she loves me in spite of my geeky tendencies; comics, sci-fi, the internet, magic. And that she's very supportive of me and the demands that my job places on us both.

I think we make a great team, because although we have more than enough in common to be a proper couple, we're also individual enough to remain interesting to each other for many years to come.

Many people say that your wedding day is the happiest day of your life. But if that's the case, it means that everything's down hill from tomorrow, and I don't believe that. I'm really looking forward to having many more happy days with Angela, to starting a family, and to growing old and grey with her – though I can't guarantee that my hair will last long enough to go grey!

Angela, I know you'll be a terrific wife, and I couldn't happier to be marrying you today.

A few words about the best man, perhaps pretending to dread what he will be saying about you. This will help to introduce him to those guests who haven't met him before.

Today has been a succession of stressful moments, as I'm sure all of you can imagine, and I certainly thought I'd be glad to get this speech done. But as it draws (thankfully) to a close, I find myself concerned that the end of this speech signifies the beginning of the Best Man's…

When I was thinking who I'd choose as a Best Man, I asked some of my friends what I should be looking for, and the consensus of opinion was that I needed someone who was well organised, always glad to help, and capable of giving a great speech on your behalf… so I chose Stewart, and I don't think 2 out of 3 is bad.

I've known Stewart since I was 16, when we met at a local college. We hit it off straight away, studied together for the next two years, and we've been firm friends ever since. He introduced me to Jay, to John, and many of the other friends that are here with us today. I also shared a house with him for 2 ½ years, and whilst we had a brilliant time, I'm hoping you won't be hearing any of those stories today…

I want to give you a very quick understanding of what Stewart's like. Just before I was due to move in with him, he went on holiday to the US, and visited Alcatraz, from where he sent me this postcard. It's printed like an official document and says, “Alcatraz Regulation #5 – You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter and medical attention. Anything else you get is a privilege.” Stewart wrote on the back “Sounds like the rules are soft, don't expect the same at my place.” And to be fair he was true to his word!

However he's been a great help to me as Best Man, organising a great stag do (which again I'm sure you won't be hearing about) and looking after me in excellent style today. Although I do think trying to wash and dress me this morning was a bit over the top…

Conclude with a toast to the bridesmaids from you and your new wife.

I could go on all night, trotting out the usual tired old gags and fictitious anecdotes, but I'm going to leave that to the Best Man, and finish on a traditional note.

That is, by proposing a toast to the bridesmaids and wishing them the very best of health and happiness, on behalf of my new wife and I, which it turns out I couldn't avoid saying after all!

To the Bridesmaids!!