Speech by Andy Roberts

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Andy Roberts
Speech Date: Jul2004
Deep Breathe………………..…

Ladies & Gentlemen distinguished guests, in laws, outlaws, friends and anyone else who managed to sneak in ……..Welcome! I'd like to start by thanking you all on behalf of my wife and I, for sharing our special day. Thank you all for your kind wishes, cards and presents. I can't wait to see how many stick on shower radios and towels we get, and exactly how you wrap a wheelbarrow! Wendy and I have been worrying about this day for weeks and it means a great deal to us that you all managed to make it. We hope you are all having a great time and you continue, at least until the free booze is gone.

I'll have to keep this speech short because of my shins . . . Wendy has threatened to kick them if I go on too long. What's funnier for me is that you all think that I'm joking.

I would like to mention that in the same year as Wendi and myself were born so was Liam Gallagher, The first Mr Men books were written and the pocket calculator was invented, I'll leave you all to decide the relevance of these events…………Although it might explain why My hair looks like this; I only read books of under 50 pages and if you can't turn something upside down and read boobless on it, I don't own it.

The 17th of July has always been known for its significance; in 1955 the first Disneyland opened. In 1790 Thomas Saint patented the world's first sewing machine……MAKE OF THAT WHAT YOU WILL. However, today, 17th July 2004, will be remembered as the day you heard the finest wedding speech you have ever heard. Which my best man Jon will deliver after this one.

When I discussed the wedding list with Wendy, my only suggestion in between "Yes dear" and "No dear" was a dishwasher, but she told me not to worry, we already have one, – Me! I'm just hoping that someone has bought us one of those magic-washing baskets. Quite a few blokes I know have them. That's the one you put your dirty laundry in and it appears a few days later in the wardrobe washed and ironed.

Thank yous

My own Mum, Jean. Through thick and thin, mostly me being thick and definitely not thin, you have stood by me. I love you with all my heart, and owe you so much.
Thank you Mum

Thank you to John and Sandra for making this day possible. It is only just over 30 years ago that Sandra first sent Wendy to bed with a dummy,,,,,, history is repeating. I have to thank John and Sandra for bringing up such a beautiful and intelligent daughter, I'll leave you to argue over which trait comes from who, but John has a lovely smile………..Wendi has her Mums money sense, the week after I gave Wendi a Credit card, it was stolen. I have never reported it as the person who stole is spends less than she does. Thank you to you John and Sandra for making me so welcome in your family. I am a shy person, but you have both made it very easy for me to fit in. I hope I can be everything you want from a son-in-law.
Thank you John and Sandra

Our thanks also go to Anne Marie, Molly, Sophie and Charlotte, I think its easy to say they all look absolutely fantastic, Please come up and collect a small, and I mean small token of our appreciation.
Thank you Girls

And so back to today, I would like to thank Nick, Rick and Peter for being ushers and for not playing football in their trousers & jackets, they will be back at the door of the Ritzy tonight.
Thank you Guys

I'd like to thank my Best Man Jon not only for being my best man, but more importantly for putting up with me over the last 10 years. I was determined to teach you something, I concede……..However I am sure now is a good time to surrender in the battle to eat us out of house and home. Proof if it was ever needed that I can cook.
Thank you Jon

I would like to mention three people who couldn't be here today. We both would have loved them to be here to share our day. Wendy's Nan, a marvellous woman, who was well loved and still missed by all who knew her; Samuel, an angel looking down on us and lastly Les, my father. I'm sure he still hasn't stopped laughing since seeing me in a balaclava with a shovel in hand at midnight.
Absent friends and loved ones.

And now to the one person in this room to which I owe the most thanks to is Wendy, my wife, she knows all about me and married me just the same. I am sure you will all agree how stunning she looks today, its amazing what £65.00 can buy. I don't mean the dress, I mean the flowers. She saw the flowers and just had to buy the dress, shoes, underwear & Jewellery to match. Seriously though, I can honestly say I was overwhelmed when Wendy walked through the doors today, and I would like everyone here today to know how much I love Wendy and how happy I am that Wendy agreed to be my wife. She is beautiful, intelligent, charming- the list does go on – but unfortunately I can't read the rest of her writing!!

But seriously though, to my wife, I would just like to say thank you for marrying me even though you know all of my faults. Thank you for making me very happy and for loving me as much as I love you. Thanks for making today the happiest day of my life.
Thank you Wendi

I might thank Jon for his speech later, once I have heard it! I should point out that Jon only has one fault you should remember he's never been one to let the truth get in the way of a good story. So I would just like to say the incident with the flying helmet, the wet lettuce & the bath of baked beans never took place, oh and he's a compulsive liar.

Signed copies of all of the speeches will be available in the foyet.