Speech by Andy

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Andy
Speech Date: 07/04/2014 11:09:49

Distinguished guests, family, friends.… George…   And anyone else who wandered in to this hall for free food and drink, being the man of few words that I am, I was going to keep this pretty short,

But seeing how this is essentially a free pass to say what I want without Deb killing me, I'm going make the most of it …. 

Deb tells me that most of the time I talk complete crap, so I'll try to make this as painless as possible for all involved…  There'll be plenty of toasts over the next few minutes, so please make sure your glasses are fully charged.

First of all, on behalf of my new wife and I……… I would like to thank everyone for coming today, it means so much to us to have everybody that we love and care about here under one roof to share our day…

A special mention goes to those who have had long journeys to be here.

A huge thank you to the Deb's Bridesmaids Nicci, & Joanne, and Deb's Maid of Honour Tracey

I know how much support you have all given Deb, up to and including this day, I think you've all done amazing in to keeping her borderline sane….  because I've been totally useless. 

You all look incredible, so thank you all……… I'd like to just ask everyone to all stand and raise your glasses and join me in toasting the bridesmaids…

“The bridesmaids!”

There is an unwritten rule of wedding etiquette that states that nobody should look more handsome than the groom, and I'd like to thank my ugly ushers George, Nick, Adam & Kevin for sticking to that.

Thanks for everything you've done today guys…  Also, and I don't know if I'll be regretting this in a few minutes, but I'd like to thank Chris for agreeing to be my Best Man today.

Next I'd like to mention my new in-laws, Carl & Jackie, and Tracey & Nick. 

It seems like each of you have given Deb your strongest characteristic, and her personality and way that she leads her life is testament to her upbringing.

On a personal level: I want to thank you for all that you have done for me over the last 3 years, you've really made me feel like one of the family well before today.

I can't go any further without thanking the other 2 loves of my life, our children.  Our flower girl Gracie and our page boy Kaiden.

It was February 16th 2012 and it was the day I'll never forget, when I got down on both knees and begged my Mum to pay for this wedding

Without my Mum, this day wouldn't be anywhere near the perfect day Deb deserves.  She's been generous and fantastic throughout.  I have to congratulate her on raising such a brilliant Son. 

Mum, I really want to thank you for the way I have been brought up.  You gave me the perfect start in life, you've always had my back no matter what trouble I got into when I was younger or whatever life has thrown at me when I've been older

If it wasn't for my Mum and Al I wouldn't be the man I am today, so thank you both.

So, now the easier part, onto my new Bride….

For those of you who don't know, me and Deb met when I sold my cat online…..  Well, that's the excuse she's been using for nearly 3 years because we actually met on a dating site.

Deb admitted to me that when first looking at my picture on the site she thought, ‘nah!’, but from first seeing her face, even though I knew I'd be punching above my weight – I knew she was the girl for me.  

I almost never met her, and we all wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for something as simple as a morning alarm being set on this phone. 

See, me and Deb texted for a while, but on a night out I got this phone stolen.  Whoever stole it, couldn't unlock the password so decided to throw it into a post box.

If I hadn't of set my 8am morning alarm the day before, which made the alarm go off while still in the phone box, I would never have gotten this with her number in it.

I did have to get it back from Warrington Police Station though, as they thought the ringing alarm was an IRA bomb, and closed the whole Town Centre down for 2 hours….

But maybe some things are just meant to be, and persistence does pay off, as we met for the first time 2 years, 8 months and 15 days ago today.

Deb will tell everybody that our first date was like something from a movie, a rendezvous in a romantic City, where we talked all night, got to know each other completely and ended it with a kiss.

The reality though, is that we went to Liverpool, had a ton of JagerBombs, got so drunk on cheap wine and WKD's that we were kicked out of the KrazyHouse…  And ended it of sat on a step eating foot long Subway sandwiches  and feeding pigeons.

We moved in together really quickly, and I spent the next year planning my future with her, playing down the idea of marital life, I wanted to give her the impression that I never intended to propose, at the same time digging for answers on her perfect engagement ring

I surprised her with a proposal on her 27th birthday at Fountains Abbey, and I'll never forget her face when she said yes.

It's not often you get to marry your best friend, but today, that's exactly what I'm doing…  If I had to single out one thing about why I love Deb, it would be the fact she makes me happier than I ever dreamed I could be, and there is not one thing more I could ask for in my life, so I guess that means it's fulfilled too.

In Deb, know I am marrying the person I'll be with for the rest of my life, and if I had to describe my perfect partner, both looks and personality – I would choose all of her traits.

They say you don't marry someone you can live with – you marry the person who you can't live without.

Deb, I'd like to take this moment to first of all, how stunning you look today…… and secondly to thank you for all the tireless hard work, long nights and effort you've put in to make today the success it's been

So I'd like to ask everyone to raise their glass and join me, in making a toast to my new wife………

Anyway, I better get my monies worth from those 60 cases of wine I bought before you lot are all bladdered….. 

But before I do, as I've made him sweat long enough.  I now have the honour of passing over to the most nervous man in the room. 

Just to let you know, he does have a history of over the top exaggeration…  And I'm sure, that because he works for Cheshire Police he'll be really familiar with compensation culture, for the ensuing claim I will file in about 5 minutes time for defamation of character.