Speech by Bryn Jones

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Bryn Jones
Speech Date: oct 2004
Thanx Graham for your kind words.

Do you know what, this is not the first time I have got off a warm seat holding a piece of paper in my hand, today.

No seriously I had a really good speech worked out for you today, but as I am now married, that one is in the bin, and I have been told by Karen what to say instead, and after that opening it is probably a good thing

I will try to be as brief as possible, however, I do have one or two things I'd like to say and so many people to thank that you may think it is an Oscar ceremony by mistake, so please relax and bear with me for a few hours. Loosen your clothing if it helps, but do not start loosening anybody else's. I am afraid its not that kind of party.

So firstly on behalf of my wife and I………………………………
I would like to welcome you all here today, thank you for all making the effort to come to this lovely venue in the middle of this deserted marshland. But can I just say remember that film when you leave. “keep to the road.”

No seriously its great to be surrounded by all the people who mean so much to us.

Special thanks go to the vicar (roger), who cant be here as he is doing back to back weddings today, but I am sure may be taking full advantage of the free bar after the speeches, as I am sure plenty of you will be. (I think I owe some of you that much after the away legs that Karen and I have been on) Having heard of that news you will be all pleased to know the speech only lasts an hour and a half.

I must say that both Shirley and Graham have always made me feel very welcome when I come to visit. I would also like to thank them for the kindness they have shown me and for welcoming me into their family. I suppose as my new mother-in-law is so close I can not say anything different otherwise my ability to turn her into a grandmother may be severely hindered.

The whole day and everything else you have given us has been overwhelming. Thanks for giving me the blessing to marry your beautiful, mesmerising daughter. I hope that you do not feel you have lost a daughter but gained another mouth to feed. Some of you may know one of my bad habits is rifling through peoples fridges when I go to visit. Now I am your son, I am sure I do not need to ask before I trim a bit of Cathedral City off ?

I'd also like to thank my MUM and DAD. They have seen me grow from the day I was born to adulthood, with so much love, care and guidance.
I would like to thank you both for all the advice you have given me through many a difficult year. I suppose it was like being worse than the chairman of British Rail being my parents as in the early years the train did not spend too long on the rails.

I owe you so much for your love and my happiness as well as the help you gave us in moving into our first home in Leigh Road. I also owe you quite a lot from the times I crashed your drinks cabinet and dad's beer stash….… Come to think of it now I know why you were so keen to see me leave!!

So as a token of our gratitude to the mums please accept these gifts.

Without doubt the most important thank you I have to say today is to my new bride……….KAREN. You look absolutely gorgeous and I am overwhelmed. Karen is caring, intelligent, witty charming and…………………………….I can't read your writing. Whats that there?

Thanks for making me happy . I realise I am getting the best out of this deal because I get you while all you get is me. So here is my private toast to you………………DRINK!!!!

Thirsty work these speeches!!
We met when we were teenagers at Gravesend Rugby Club, and my first memories were our romantic strolls along Gravesend Promenade. In this sense it was not the place that made it so good, but the person that I was with.

Our paths diverged as we grew older, but thanks to Darrell getting spannered on his birthday with his LIFFE exchange mates I was left prostituting myself outside Cannon Street Station, in the days when if you had a mobile phone you used to have someone chauffering it round in a wheel barrow. Karen bumped into me and by that strange twist in fate we are all here today.

This does not explain why it has taken us so long to get married. I can think of a million reasons why we got married but the one that clinched it was another good excuse for a knees up. In fact a female friend once told me when I said I was getting married that

“Men are like fine wine. They all start out as grapes. Its our job to stamp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you would like to have dinner with…..”

It is my eternal good fortune Karen drinks & likes Liebfraumilch.

Something I have learnt in life is you do not realise how much you love someone until after they have gone. Karen has done her best to make me realise this. Like the time we were in Mexico. We went out in what some may consider choppy and tidal waters. Being a fairly strong swimmer I managed to get round the small coral island, but Karen had drifted about half a mile out to sea. I dashed to her rescue in a panic and found her with a huge grin on her face. Again in Amsterdam when Karen decided to get off a packed train in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. Again I dashed to her rescue and she was just laughing. Little did she know the feelings these circumstances generated.

My wife my pride and joy thank you for keeping this little steam train on its tracks, you know so much about me and you love me just the same. Thank you for this and lets have eternal happiness together.

I'd like to thank Lee for drawing the castle on the evening invites. Please accept this gift as a thank you for your hard work.

I'd like to thank Phil for devoting so much time in doing all the invites, place cards, acceptance cards and order of service. Please accept this small gift as a thank you for all your hard work.

Thanks all those who came on the stag do. One classic thing I can remember about are when we went to the dogs and decided to have a whip round on a dog. It was one from Catford, our local track Warren said, and had just dropped a CLASS, I said. It was a dead cert, we all said….… until is stopped for a dump half way round.

Thank you to the ushers as well. Thanks to Dan, I still have not worked out how it used to take us 3 hours to walk home from the pub. I am sure there is some explanation better than being zapped by Aliens, although Peter's explanation of Terrahawks is somewhat far fetched.

Thanx to Tim who has been someone I have always sort advice from. Anything you need to know about black panthers living in Culverstone, camping and green lawns Tim is your man.

Thanks to Ian, Karen's bros, as well. Thanks for being understanding as I have been thrown into your life. Thank you also for teaching me that fruit machines are not just for putting money in order to see a load of pretty flashing lights.

Thanx for your help today and please take these gifts as a our thanx for your organisational help.

Now reluctantly, onto the best man. I am regretting my performance at Darrell's wedding now as maybe I should have been a bit gentler. Darrell was very reluctant at first saying he was an old married man and I should get someone younger to do it. Well judging what he got up to on the dancefloor on the stag do he organized……if that's old and married then I am glad I am heading that way. ( a demonstration maybe available later after a few more toasts)

Of course for those that do not know, Darrell is my elder bros. I know we do not look alike, I am just glad I got the good looks in the family. And look at Karen's brother Ian, I am glad Karen does not take after him.

When eventually he came round to deciding to be my best man he was totally enthusiastic until he read the best man duties. He had a whitey.

“ What's this about the best man being responsible for making payments the Groom forgets” he asked “ I thought I was guesting this event not sponsoring it” Don't panic sunshine your wallet is safe, as is the tenner you usually keep in it.

Actually come to think of it the old tenners are no longer legal tender mate That'll teach ya!

Also I can confirm that he was in a different reform school to that of myself, so he knows nothing of my childhood, my underage drinking, sorry mum guess you knew that anyway, and nothing of my time at university. He is also great at forging pictures, technology is so good these days and he is never one to let the truth get in the way of a good story.

I do not mean to be rude, but some off you will understand this, some will not (just ask later)

Just think you can put that away for a start son……………………………….…

Time to wrap up as I can see some off you are nodding off.

So a big thank you to all the bridesmaids. How lovely you all look and thanks for everything you have done for Karen.

Ladies and Gents be up standing and I propose a toast ” to the bridesmaids.”