Speech by Darren Miller

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Darren Miller
Speech Date: aug2002
Well, thanks Terry for that very insightful speech. Lets hope months of
therapy and repression help us get over it.

Please bear with me. I will have to keep looking at these notes. With a
mixture of nerves and wine I couldn't do it without them.

Not saying I'm nervous, but this isn't the first time today I've stood up
from a warm seat with a piece paper in my hand.
Before I start the thankyous I would like to point out the fun cameras on
your tables.
Please can you take some pictures for us. We will send you a copy of any
good pictures.
No pictures of moonies, Huw, Duncan!!

Pause
My wife and I…………wow that's a new one! My wife and I would like to start by
thanking everyone here for sharing our very special day with us. Thanks for
coming; it's really touching that you could all be here.
Oh, and thanks for all the great gifts.
I can't wait to see how Huw has gift-wrapped the cactus plant we asked him
for!

Pause

I'd like to be serious for a moment. Now I know that's not normally my
style, but please bear with me.

My first thank-you is from me to Claire. My wife.

You look amazing today. I am the luckiest bloke I know.

You agreed to marry me and spend the rest of your life with me. You have
accepted me for the man I just can't help being ……..and for that I am truly
grateful.

You've got a natural way that makes everyday a joy to be with you.

I promise you I will do everything humanly possible to keep you safe and
happy at all times.

When thinking about what to put in my speech I looked around at variety of
sources. But I always ended up back at the big man.

The true light.

My guiding spirit.

The one who has a following of millions.

Homer Simpson.

When asked what marriage is like he responded:

“Marriage is like being married to your best friend.”

“And he lets you play with his boobs.”

I thought that was great.

But seriously, I recently read a short verse written by a chap called
Wilfred A. Peterson called The Art Of Marriage.

I would like to read this to Claire, but I feel the sentiments apply equally
to us all.

THE ART OF MARRIAGE

A good marriage must be created.

In art of marriage the little things are big things.

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say, "I love you," at least once each day.

It is never going to sleep angry.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.

It is standing together facing the world.

It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in
thoughtful ways.

It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.

It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding room for the things of the spirit.

It is common search for the good and the beautiful.

It is not only marrying the right partner,

It is being the right partner.

Claire, in front of all our friends and family I promise I will try my best
to practice this art.

Pause

Lyn & Terry I would like to thank you so much everything you have done and
for welcoming me so openly into your family.

Although, I was a bit worried at first.

When I asked Terry for Claire's hand in marriage he told me to leave my name
and number and he would call me.

Seriously, You both are great parents to Claire and Debbie. You have an
infectious sense of humour.

And Lyn, you put up with my constant mickey taking, without resorting to
violence, so thank-you.

I am proud to be able to say I am your son-in-law and I will do my best to
live up to your expectations.

But I'm still not joining the Caravan Club of Gt. Britain.

You know Lyn; people say that history repeats itself.

27 years ago you were putting Claire to bed with a dummy and look where we
are today!

Now I promise you both I will look after Claire ………………and of course do
everything she tells me to do! …………..Maybe.

And Terry, I haven't forgotten that receipt you want me to sign.

Terry has written out a receipt he wants me to sign.

It reads:

Received, one daughter in perfect condition, fully guaranteed, fully
warranted. Comes complete with extras. Keep topped up with expensive
jewellery and lubricate well with fine wines.

Service regularly.

Pause
Sorry, missed a bit.… Service regularly..… with lavish trips to the USA and
Greek Islands.

Terry you've got to sort your handwriting out.

It continues.…

Warning: Has a tendency to get irritable if doesn't have the final say on
EVERYTING.

Care notes: Gets bored easily, keep busy with a constant supply of chores.

Not to be outdone my Mum has written out a receipt for Claire. It reads.…

Received one son. Sold as seen. No refunds under ANY circumstances.
Care notes: De-hydrates easily, top up regularly with Guinness.
Warning 1: The slight discolouration is most likely dirt and should come off
with vigorous scrubbing.
Warning 2: Likely to shut down if taken into too many clothes shops and
repeatedly asked, “Does my bum look big in this”

Pause
Talking of my Mum, I would like to say thank-you to her, to my stepfather
Dick and of course my Dad.

These three people have been the most influential in my life. I have drawn
on their strengths and their experiences.

Their support and guidance has made me the person I am today so thank-you,

And to everyone else, you can blame them!

Now later, my folks will probably try and tell some of you of stories of a
broken trouser zip followed by a quick PAINFUL trip to A&E.

Or the one where I fell between two boats and had to be rescued by a passing
stranger.

Or the one about where they reported me missing to the police, as I hadn't
come home. Something about too much alcohol and a missed telephone call.

But I'd just like to say, they're all completely untrue and without
foundation.

Unfortunately that would be a complete lie.

But moving on

Pause
At this point I would like to give a gift to both of our Mum's. Tradition
says we should give flowers, but Claire and I wanted to give you something
more permanent.

So we are getting you a tattoo each!

Only kidding, these are just a small token of our thanks for always being
there.

Pause

Now, I'm going to break from my speech for a few moments.

There is somebody here, a very good, well-loved friend who usually just can’
t help himself at these sorts of things.

Every time that Claire and I have been at a function with him he stands up,
interrupts the poor bugger speaking and says a few lines of his own.

So I'm getting in the first strike.

Doug, you've got two minutes………….GO.

Pause

Thank you, Doug.

I'm nearly done now, honest. I'll try and keep this as short as possible
because of my throat. Lyn has threatened to cut it if I go on too long!!!!

Pause
I would like to thank the three bridesmaids, who have all done a great job
today.

Little Amy. Doesn't she look great? I can't believe that Jerry was in any
way involved in the manufacture of someone so beautiful.

Laura, my niece and goddaughter looks stunning in her dress. I'm sure there’
s probably an Arsenal shirt under there somewhere.

And Debbie, the Chief Bridesmaid. Looks great. I'd like to thank the
surgeons for finally removing the mobile phone from her ear prior to the
wedding.

Amy, Laura, Debbie. Claire and I really want to say a big thank you for
being part of, not only the big day, but also the preparations with the
dress fittings.

TOAST Can I ask you all to be upstanding to toast the bridesmaids?

Here's to Amy, Laura and Debbie.

We'd like you to accept these gifts as a token of our appreciation and a
reminder of your involvement today.

Pause

Now, Stuart. The bouncer from mothercare.

We'd like to thank you for helping out today. It really has been gratefully
appreciated.

If you buy him drink later he has some interesting stories like the one of
the warning of the sea urchin or the time he got pulled by the police on the
hard shoulder of the motorway,

But I'll let him explain!

We have a little something for you.…

Pause

Now I would like to introduce you all to my best man, Huw.
He's handed me a whole script of nice wonderful comments that I should tell
you about him.
Unfortunately, all this has done is reinstate my firm belief that he is a
compulsive liar and anything that he tells you should not be believed for
one minute.
He's been a true friend and pain in the arse to me for over ten years now.

When I say true friend, I mean the sort that's always there to point and
laugh when you think your day can't get any worse.

Seriously, Huw, I could not think of anyone who I would rather have as Best
Man for my wedding

…no seriously I couldn't…I tried…but they were all busy.

He's a good mate and I can rely on him to always keep me in check and my
feet on the ground.

We've got you a little something to say thanks….…

Now, Huw is T total, so please don't embarrass him by offering to buy him a
drink later.

Actually he is allergic to alcohol. If he drinks too much he becomes really
gobby and all his hair falls out.

As you can see he is half way there.

Well, I'm just about done. Just to say thanks again for coming and I hope
you enjoy the rest of the day.

Cheers!