Speech by Darren Relyea

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Darren Relyea
Speech Date: 19/07/2014 16:55:33

Steve, Thank you for those kind words. I know you weren't looking forward to making a speech… and well done for avoiding using the language you normally use! Also, I believe you owe me £10 from  our bet on Palace staying up! I'll get you a couple of drinks with it later!

Hello everyone, how are you? I hope you all enjoyed the lovely food  and aren't too full? I'd like to say my speech will be just like Lucy, Short and Sweet, but I'm afraid thats not the case! In rehearsal I managed to cut it down…to just under 2 hours!

Today, May 31st, is a very historic day.  In 1859, Big Ben first struck its chimes, in 1884, Dr John Harvey Kellogg patented the “flaked cereal”, in 1969, Stevie Wonder released “My Cherie Amore”, in 1998, Ginger Spice quit the Spice Girls, in 2005, Brian Harvey ran himself over and in 2014, you wonderful people witnessed our wedding.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my wife and I, would like to thank all of you for coming here today to celebrate our wedding day. Without you all, it wouldn't be the same, it means a lot to have you all here and we know some of you have travelled a long way, so for that, we thank you.

Unfortunately, it's not been possible to have everyone we love here with us today. But we know they're here with us, not only in our thoughts, but more importantly, in our hearts. So with them in mind, would you please all raise your glasses, and join me in a toast, TO ABSENT FAMILY.

Today is the happiest day of my life…and I'd like to thank Lucy for reminding me of that! What better time than now to say that we're expecting…..a big shop from Sainsbury's to be delivered next week, so if someone could collect that for us that'd be great!

Steve & Marion, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for giving us the gift of today. Without you, this couldn't have happened and we are extremely grateful of you generosity and hard work for making today happen. Also, I'd like to thank Steve for willingly giving Lucy away…a bit too willingly perhaps?

I'd like to thank you for producing such a beautiful, lovely, kind natured daughter….You alright Jen? No I'm only joking, of course I mean my beautiful wife Lucy. You can trust me when I say, I will always love and protect her. 

I'd also like to thank you for welcoming me into your family and making me feel like the son you never wanted – sorry, the son you never had. I feel totally at home whenever we come round, what with Marion blocking the cupboards in the kitchen, Jen throwing cake at me rather than serving it, Frankie forgetting who I am and then suddenly remembering and Steve who sits in the living room in a pair of shorts with socks and crocs!

To my Mum and Lawrie, to my Dad and Michelle, to Steve and Marion, we'd like to thank you all for the love and support you have given us, for bringing us up to be what we are today and for everything you've done in our lives. For helping us through good and bad times, and for being a part of organising this huge event in our lives. We love you all very much.

Ladies and Gents, please raise your glasses and join me in a toast to our parent…THE PARENTS!

I'd now like to turn my attention to my wife Lucy, who I'm sure you'll all agree, looks stunning today? My wife! Wow seems weird saying that!

Lucy, you're loving, kind, generous, considerate, helpful and I'd liketo thank you for writing that bit into my speech, No I'm only joking! I'd like to thank you for helping me through the years we've been together and turning me into the man I am today.

Lucy and I met around 5 years ago, when I had less grey hair! I remember the first time we met, I thought to myself “you've got no chance”…but fair play to her, she kept trying! After that, we spoke to each other every day, had weekends away, holidays, moved into our beautiful flat, and here we are now, Husband and Wife.

Our first holiday together for our 1 year anniversary of being together was to Tenerife. To make it a bit more special, I emailed the hotel to arrange for champagne and roses in the room. So, we checked in and went up to the room. I opened the door, in bowls Lucy, straight past the champers, straight past the roses and onto the balcony to see the view! I thought to myself, saucy cow!, so made her walk back out, closed the door and made her come in again!

I remember the day I asked your dad's permission to propose to you, and I'm not going to lie, I was bricking it! You and your mum had gone to get your hair done ready for Aunty Jen's 50th Birthday Party. You alrite Jen?…Bloody Nutter!

Anyway, Steve and I were watching Arsenal v Tottenham, or some shit on the telly! Steve went out to the garage to get a few more beers for the fridge, so at that point, I practised what I was going to say…to the dog, Frankie!!

After I'd asked Steve, he stared at me with a blank expression, I could hear my heart beat, I felt sweat dripping down my face, He smiled, extended his hand and said, “I thought we'd never get rid of her, of course you can mate. I pleased for you” At that point, I began to breathe again and we had a few beers.

Lucy, when I proposed to you, I meant it as a commitment. A commitment to making you happy, and to be there for you no matter what. However, the first words you said as I was on one knee, with the Las Vegas high street behind me, were not what I was expecting. Those words being “Fuck off, are you joking?” And being stood here today shows that, I wasn't joking, and no, I won't fuck off!

You're always there for me. You're my rock, my best friend! You never fail to make me smile and laugh. You always encourage me…to make you tea! I've learnt a lot living with Lucy, such as, how to make the bed properly, what candles and ornaments she likes and how the oven works.

All jokes aside, I can't remember not being with you, my memories are always of happy times we've spent together.

When I saw you walk down that isle, I was amazed by how stunning you looked. The moment I saw you, I felt my eyes well up and thought to myself “this is it boy, the day you become a man” and couldn't stop thinking how lucky I am to be spending my life with you.

5 years ago, I didn't really know what love was, but being with you has made me realise that it's being with that someone special for the rest of your life and doing anything you can to make them happy. Lucy, I love you so much. I'm looking forward to our future together … and Mexico on Monday!

Ladies and Gentleman, get off your arses and raise your glasses, in a toast to my beautiful wife, Lucy. TO LUCY

Now for the traditional thank-you's! On behalf of both of us, we'd like to thank:

• Clinton, Don and all the staff at this wonderful venue,  for helping us through our special day. • My good friend Michael and his videographer Michael,  for what I'm sure will be excellent Photo's and DVD's.  • Janet, for doing our flowers • My cousin George, for being my Groomsman. • My brother Bradley, for being the ring bearer. • My best friend Tony, for being my Best Man, although,  I haven't heard his speech yet so I might not be so thankful after!  • And last, but by no means least, My new sister (in-law) Jen,  for being Lucy's Maid of Honour and for making our  lovely wedding cake.

Thank you all for helping us on our big day and being an important part of our lives.

I'd just like to give Lucy something I've been putting together.

Just a quick announcement, we'd like to wish Terry Happy Birthday.  At least you'll not forget our anniversary now!

I'm shortly going to hand over to my Best Man Tony, who has gone against the unwritten rule of not looking better than the groom and dressed the bloody same as me! Tony actually told me he was originally going to have his suit made out of velcro, but he gave up on the idea as it's a rip off!

Tony and I been great friends ever since we've worked together at Chelsea. Although we don't see each other often now I'm not at the Megastore, I know we'll always be close friends. We've had a  laugh at Christmas Parties, been to a few cup finals and luckily been to both Champions League finals Chelsea have made it to, although the first one wasn't as successful! Tony, I'd like to thank you for being a true friend to me and for always being there for me with a few words of advice if I need it, those words usually being GO ON, Yeah, Waste Man, Shabba, Is It Though and SSSIIIICCCKKK!  Jen, Mark & Gemma will back me up on that!

Since I asked Tony to be my Best Man, he's been really excited and looking forward to this moment. Not because I asked him to be my Best Man, or the fact that he gets to embarrass me in his speech. But that he gets to sit at the top table, next to my mum!

I'd like to thank Tony for organising my Stag do to Prague. For those that don't know, it all started with a letter I received 2 weeks before the event. I say letter, it was almost a ransom note! Tony kept it a complete secret from me until the night before we went. He also wouldn't let me pay a penny. Tony, I know you went through a lot to organise my stag do, and had to change a couple of times, so from the bottom of my heart, I thank you so much for that, I'll never forget it, and hope to return the favour one day.

Ladies and Gents, please join me in raising a glass, to my Best Man Tony. TO TONY.

Just before I go, I had a lot of comments about the poem I wrote in our wedding invites, so thought it fitting that I do one for today.… It's called, An Ode To Lucy

I'd like to finish with a rhyme, And thank you all for your time, Lucy, I love your smile, your hair, your face, You're cleanliness that brightens up our place,

I love you're laugh, when watching Mr Bean or Lee Evans, But it's so loud, it can be heard in the heavens, When we go on nights out, you dress to impress, But in the morning, your hair's a bloody mess,

You make me smile, you make me happy, But when we have kids, I'll avoid changing a nappy, How can I show you, my love and affection, Without having a huge…smile on my face!

Some say I'm not emotional,  They would all be lying, By doing this rhyme, at the end of my speech,  Has stopped this fat git crying!

We now start a journey together, A new chapter in life, I'm extremely proud, to stand here and say, That Lucy, you are my beautiful wife.

Lucy, I love you from the bottom of my heart, I promise you, we will never part,

Ladies and Gentlemen, Thank you for listening, have a wonderful day. I now hand you over to my Best Man, Mr Tony Cane….