Speech by Dave Woodvine

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Dave Woodvine
Speech Date: oct 2003
Before I start please excuse me, I'm sure the lads from the hockey team on table 5 will agree, when I say my only experience of public speaking is to umpires and the opposing team during a game of hockey.

Then my words generally only contain one syllable, so together with my shyness this will be a struggle.

On behalf of my wife Louise and I we would very much like to thank you all for coming today. There are times when it's good to be surrounded by the people who are important to you, and for us, today is one of those occasions. May I also thank those present for their lovely wedding gifts.

I'd also like to thank Lou's Mum and Dad for contributing to today's success by cutting neighbours grass, cleaning offices and selling logs.

Their weekend jobs have ensured Louise and I have had a wedding we will never forget for which we are both extremely grateful. With the interest from the cheque we have got you a present Dave.

I would also like to thank my mum for making our cake and for bringing me up into the person I am today, caring, thoughtful, well mannered and intelligent – Lou's words not mine – well they do say love is blind.

It couldn't have been easy for my mum, as many of you know my dad passed away before I was 11 and she has supported and encouraged both my sister and myself in everything we have done to date, this includes Louise who I know she has welcomed into the Woodvine family.

Has for my dad I hope he is as proud of me as I am of him firstly following him into the Army and now getting married to Louise.

If I am half as happy as he was with my mother, then I have a lot to look forward to, in the years ahead.

I also know that Louise's parents have been equally supported of Louise and Peter. In order to show our appreciation we'd like to present you both our mothers with these flowers. And may I just add that you both look beautiful today.

Credit must also go to my sister Pam, not only for doing an excellent reading in church, but also for all the behind the scene jobs she has done. To name but a few, Pam has spent months organising my mother and Aunty Pat who's sat on Table 1, to leading the convoy of cars from Telford so nobody got lost this morning. As a token of our thanks we have a gift for you.
I'd like to also thank Marcus my hockey captain for continuing to select me for every game.

No, really I'd like to thank Marcus for designing and printing the seating plan which you all hopefully took notice of coming in here today. If you meet me at the bar later you will be the only one to get a drink out of me today.

Well I'm led to believe custom has it that I am meant to tell you how Louise and I met. It was 6 years to this very day when Miss Beddoes comes up from behind and grabs my backside.

It was in those days a lot tighter – Louise's grip that is.

As I turned round I couldn't believe my luck, she might have been drunk, but a young filly six years my junior who wouldn't have been impressed. We exchanged phone numbers, amongst other things and the rest is history.

A couple of weeks later Lou, proud of her catch takes me home to meet the family.

It was the country girl taking the town boy home.

I don't know who was more surprised; it was like something off Emmerdale Farm.

There was Zak in the chair with his can of cheap Kestrel Lager, Lisa in the kitchen putting the previous evenings scrapes together to make supper and Cain was on the settee shouting to his mother for another tinny.

Honestly though I couldn't wish for better in-laws they have welcomed me into their family just like the Dingles would have done.

As time went by I realised I had found a partner who was willing to love and support me in everything I did and with whom I had a lot in common (to my surprise this now includes watching Wolves).
Not wanting to lose this, my numerous jokes and windups turned into reality and I proposed to Louise on Christmas Day 2001. Thankfully she said yes.

Then the planning for this wedding started.

I asked Phil my best man how much his wedding cost in order that we could budget for ours his reply was – don't worry about the money you'll end up paying for it, for the rest of your life.

Which brings me onto my stag do for those who were not present – we went to Edinburgh.

They did have a bridesmaid dress for me to wear but unfortunately it ended up mislaid. Instead the lads got me an Ali G suit to wear for the day.

So I think its only proper that I say a few words in the style of Ali G .…
(PUT ALI G GLASSES ON)

Boh hear me now, you massive check dis, me would like to dig everyone in da house, especially Louise, to know how luckily hand proud me iz to be in me turf today speekin to me Julie as ha husband.

Me am overwhelmed for real, how wicked she looks, hand can't believe how privileged me am dat she has become me bitch.

In Louise me could not ave found a betta punani whom me want to share da rest hof me life in marriage.

Which actually means for those who don't understand.…
I would like everyone here, especially Louise, to know how luckily and proud I am to be standing here today speaking to you as her husband.

I am overwhelmed at how beautiful she looks, and can't believe how privileged I am that she has become my wife. In Louise I could not have found a better friend with whom I want to share the rest of my life in marriage.

We would like to thank Phil for agreeing to be my best man. I've known Phil for a number of years now, and in that short time he has been and I hope will continue to be a great friend.
He has been reliable on most occasions apart from getting tickets for Wolves, which were not valid, moving house when he trapped my toe in the tail lift, and on the stag trip to Edinburgh when he took us to wrong paint balling location.

So today was a real test for him and so far we are impressed and grateful and have a present for you.

Knowing him so well, I know that he will be extremely nervous about his speech right now, but I've seen him make a fool of himself in front of goal most Saturdays so you should be at home this afternoon mate.

As for the ushers Mike and Peter, I got told there is an unwritten wedding rule that no one is allowed to look more handsome than the groom. Thanks for sticking by it lads you've earned yourselves a reward too.

Next, we would like to thank Fiona, Elise, Clare, and Helen for being bridesmaids; I'm really amazed at how well you've all scrubbed up! Only joking.

I'm sure everyone will agree you look fantastic, they have all had their own individual jobs to do Fiona has been a tower of strength, Elise for doing the reading, Clare for collecting the bridesmaid dresses and Helen who will be chasing you all later to sign the guest book.

I'd like to propose a toast so if you wouldn't mind raising your glasses to the bridesmaids.
The Bridesmaids.…
If the bridesmaids would like to come forward we also have a small token of our thanks.
Finally before I do sit down and give my best man his turn I would like to say Phil works for a local newspaper and in true newspaper fashion, I'm sure he will bend the truth in order to make a good story.