Speech by Doug Gordon

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Doug Gordon
Speech Date: oct 2003
DOUG GORDON ”S Groom WEDDING SPEECH

Ladies and Gentlemen, you are about to witness a truly unique event in history. The very first and very last time that my Wife is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us.

When thinking about what to put in my speech I looked around at variety of
sources. But I always ended up back at the big man himself.
The true light.
My guiding spirit.
The one who has a following of millions.
Homer Simpson.
When asked what marriage is like he responded:
&quotMarriage is like being married to your best friend.&quot
&quotAnd he lets you play with his boobs.&quot

FORNICATION, FORNICATION, FORNICATION….…

Oh.… ”For an occasion!” like this it is normal for the groom to do all the thankyous. The first and biggest thank-you is to all of you. Thank you all for coming and sharing this special day with us. We are delighted to see so many of you here. I would like to say a special thank-you to those of you that have travelled some distance to be here today. It is quite a humbling experience to realise that you have friends and family that care so much for you. And thank you, of course for all the wonderful gifts.

My second thank you is to Tom, my new Father in law.

Tom – I'd personally like to thank you for making me feel so welcome right from the very first time I met you. I feel incredibly fortunate to have married into such a great family and I am proud to be able to say that you are my Father-in-Law. I promise to always live up to your expectations and make Liz very happy.

I would like to thank you for helping mould Liz into the wonderful person she is today.
Come to think of it, I must just say – isn't it funny how history repeats itself? 32
years ago Tom was putting Liz to bed with a dummy – and now
it's happening all over again!

Tom very kindly organised our photographer and helped in many other aspects of the wedding. Thank you again Tom.

Next on to my Mum &amp Dad.

Mum and Dad, thanks for everything that you have given me during my life. And for all your help in planning today – we couldn't have done it without you. Thanks for bringing me up the way you have, for all of your encouragement and support. But most of all thank you for instilling in me whatever it is that convinced Liz that she wanted to marry me.

I would like to thank you both for the advice you have given me, for putting up with me and for pointing me in the right direction…usually only to watch me go off and do exactly the opposite, of course…but that's what sons are for and do best.

You both have been wonderful parents and I love you both so much. I know you have always wanted me to be successful and happy. Well – I think you can see from the girl I'm marrying and smile on my face that I have been incredibly successful and I am extremely happy.

At this point Liz &amp I would like to give a gift to my Mother. Tradition
says we should give flowers, but Liz and I wanted to give you something
more permanent.

So we decided we are getting you a tattoo!

Only kidding, these are just a small token of our thanks for always being
there. PRESENT FLOWERS.

Now I would like to go on to the most important thank you of the day.

Liz – thank you for marrying me. I am totally devoted to you. I love you with all of my heart. You look so beautiful in your dress. My heart was almost bursting with love and pride as you walked up the aisle. You look absolutely stunning. I am so proud that you are now my wife – I will always try to make you happy and look forward to our future together.

Whilst looking forward and preparing myself for today I wasn't prepared enough for when I saw Liz walk down the aisle oozing with elegance and grace. I was overwhelmed to the say the least by how beautiful she looked.
I should be used to it now as Liz always dresses to kill unfortunately cooks the same way. Although I shouldn't have a go at her cooking that much she done a lovely meal a few days ago only slightly burning it…..… But it was a lovely salad.

Tradition dictates that I now tell you an amusing story or two about Liz, unfortunately she dictates that I do no such thing. But I will say, that we've been living together now for nearly 9 months, and in that time I've learned a very valuable lesson:

Whenever you're Wrong – Admit It!!
Whenever you're Right – Keep Quiet!!

I've also been told that in many a sticky situation where the right response is important two words can come in very handy –

&quotYES DEAR&quot.

However, I would like to extend the same slap I received recently to the person who gave me this advise. These words do not work in all situations, especially when asked ”Does my bum look to big in this?”

Although Liz and I have known each other for 14 years now, one might ask why it took us so long to get together?? Well, outside church today, I was talking to one of Liz's friends and she told me that, according to Liz, its all about maturity. Liz apparently recently said..…

&quotMen are like a fine wine. They all start out as grapes. Its our job to stamp on them and then keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with..…
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my eternal good fortune that Liz's taste in wine is cheap, unrefined, and immature.

Some of you may know that this is not the first marriage in our family of a Douglas Gordon and an Elizabeth Murphy. My Grandparents on my Dad's side were of the same name. I'm sure they would be looking down with pride knowing what a wonderful family they have produced. I just hope in two generations time Liz and I will be there in person to feel that same way.

Liz might tell you that I'm often wrong, but in marrying Liz I know I've made the best decision of my life. And that's why asking her to marry me – whilst being the biggest commitment I have ever made – was also the easiest …because above all else, she is my soul mate and my best friend and I love her.

Now I would like to introduce you all to my best man, Nick Malone AKA Bugsy.
He's handed me a whole script of nice wonderful comments that I should say
you about him. Unfortunately, all this has done is reinstate my firm belief that he is a
compulsive liar and anything that he tells you should not be believed for
one minute.
He's been a true friend and pain in the arse to me for almost ten years now.
When I say true friend, I mean the sort that's always there to point and
laugh when you think your day can't get any worse.
Seriously, Bugs, I could not think of anyone who I would rather have as Best
Man for my wedding
…no seriously I couldn't…I tried…but they were all busy..
We've got you a little something to say thanks…….PRESENT

Now, Bugs is T total, so please don't embarrass him by offering to buy him a
drink later. In fact he is allergic to alcohol. If he drinks too much he becomes really
gobby, talks rubbish and all his hair falls out.
As you can see he is half way there already. Only joking Bugs – thanks for all your help.

Well, I'm just about done. Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you again for being here today, for the wonderful gifts, for your good wishes and most of all for your friendship now and in the future. I hope you all have a wonderful evening.…

Just before I finish up I would also like to thank Simon and Jo for their kind readings and the Vicor for his excellent service.

I would like to thank the ushers Simon, Graham and Patrick &amp our bridesmaid, Sinead, who I think you will agree with me look almost as beautiful as Liz does – well – Sinead that is, not the ushers, they just look like…errr Ushers. We'd like to thank them for the wonderful job they have done today. We have a small gift for Sinead… thank you Sinead.

Ladies and Gentlemen: if you could all charge your glasses and be upstanding for a toast to Sinead our beautiful bidesmaid.