Speech by IAN T

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: IAN T
Speech Date: 07/09/2016 12:53:57

Chapter 1 PARENTS Synposis Thank your partners’ parents for raising her to be the person she is And thank your parents for putting up with you and trying their best

Parents: Firstly I would like to say a special thank you to both Willy & Jackie Bonny & Buddy for accepting me in to their family and for bringing up such a lovely daughter and thank you all for making me feel so welcome especially Buddy. I hope I can be everything you want from a son-in-law and more, I won't let you down.

TOAST: So a toast to Willy & Jackie

I also can't let today go by without thanking my Mum & Dad.

First of all wow for everything you have done. This wedding demonstrates who you both are, for example once you were in on the wedding and Veronica described what she was thinking mum was knitting flowers and popping pompom balls for the thistles every night to get her quota in which we both absolutely love. While dad was organising the dress fitting after the one we had cancelled last minute.

Normally it's the parents that say how proud they are of their children but I have to say how proud I am of my mum and dad. You have made me what I am today and I know that makes Veronica happy because she agreed to marry me. , so, I hope I have made you both proud and I love you both dearly.

You've also opened your arms to Veronica since day one well dad did shut the door on her and said not tonight love but luckily Veronica knows dads humour as it's basically my humour.

Toast – To mum and dad,

TOAST: – So to Val & Greg

Chapter 2

Bridesmaids

Definition

Bridesmaids are members of the bride's party in a wedding do not piss them off as this will get back to the bride and bride family – smile and nod at them this will be good practice for the future

Thank them for attending today and making sure your partner was not stressed.

Bridesmaids,: Now on to the bridesmaids, Kimmy & Ashley, you both look beautiful today and I'm sure everyone here would agree that the grey dresses, I mean blue, pink, purple sorry I mean sparkles suit you both! Luckily, the MacIntyre girls look good in anything! Thank you for all the love and support you have given Veronica over the years too, and especially for keeping her calm over the last 24 hours albeit I reckon it was Veronica who was the most chilled out, Thank you very much.

In case no one has noticed Veronica is Scottish so obviously there is a bit of a language barrier between us that was most apparent when we went away with her sisters and Kim's husband James in October to Lanzarote. I was speaking to James about the wedding. Told him it's going to be awesome that ‘We've got everything organised already, the flights, the hotel, the transport, the rings, and the judge.’

James smiled and nodded, approvingly.

‘I've even picked the kilt I'm going to be married in,’

James said (excuse the accent)

‘A kilt… that's guid. You'll look smart in that, and what's the tartan (tart in)?’ *PAUSE*

I turned round to James and said ‘Not cool James, not cool but i imagine she'll be in white.’

It got even worse when Veronica told me the story of Kimberly taking her doggin in High school but they bumped into their school teacher, their next door neighbour and their aunt so gave up and went back to school. After 5 horrific minutes of Veronica's story,

She then explained that in Glasgow, Doggin is skipping school.

Toast to the bridesmaids

Chapter 3

Your partner

First of all well done for catching someone to marry you, you dummy – Look at them, realise how lucky you are smile and say nice things – Note this moment is key to your future martial happiness – do not cock this up

Veronica: Right well I suppose I should say a few words about the lady to my left the star of the show! Veronica Thompson my Wife! When it comes to talking about my brides good points, where do I start? She's perfect for me. She's always happy, she's caring and kind and if I say so myself a brilliant judge of character.

We met via online dating in 2013 on a webpage called eharmony which Milad told me about. Bizarrely our profiles both had lyrics related to Fresh Prince of Bel Air which explains our sense of humour. Once I managed to corner her and send her loads of gifs (not gifts cos that would be weird ) we finally went on a last minute date at the Trafford Centre (first of many trips) at las iguanas where I was on my best behaviour. I hadn't known Veronica long when I knew I'd marry her. Today I've not just married the woman I want to live with, I've married the women I can't live without.

She has already proved herself as a Thompson on a number of occasions and most recently was on Christmas day when Archie “Houdini” Thompson decided to go for a wonder between the starter and the main course. Even though Veronica was full of a cold she was quickly out the door searching for him without a coat on in the pouring rain. Once found after an hour of searching we all carried on Christmas dinner as normal well after everyone got changed into my clothes. So I hope this sash I've got on helped distinguish me enough from the other Thompsons today at least.

So I would like to thank Veronica, my wife, for giving me the honour to be her husband. Seeing her at the altar in her dress for the first time today made me realise what a lucky man I am. I had pictured the moment when she walked down the aisle but nothing could prepare me for how beautiful she looked. She truly has made me a very happy man and I am looking forward to spending many more happy days together.

Plenty more nights of you falling asleep on the couch, dribbling & snoring.  Plenty more times I can see if I can get you to say burglar alarm, murder and curly wurly and plenty more nights I lose 90% of the duvet as you scramble to find me to hold before going to sleep.  Plenty more nights of saying I love you and I can't wait for it all.

I would say this is the happiest day of my life but that implies that it is all downhill from now on and I know with Veronica that this will not be the case.

So Ladies and Gentlemen without further ado would you please join with me by standing to raise a toast to my best friend and my beautiful wife – Veronica

Chapter 4

Quotes

Definition,

You are on the home straight now – you've almost made it. Share an inspirational or famous quote from somone else. This will help you to look intelligent and book smart so prolong you from looking like a dummy, you dummy.

And now for an obligatory inspirational quote that all the “how to write a wedding speech for dummies” say is a must

Old Chinese Proverb

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

But my favourite is from a hero of mine and I'm sure many others in the room, when asked what it's like to be married?

“It's like being married to my best friend, and he lets me touch his boobs.” Homer: Simpson circa 2002

Right I best bring this to an end even the wedding cake is in tiers!

So finally I would like to raise a glass to everyone here and thank you so much for sharing this special day in this special place with my very special other half.

Chapter 5

Best Man and ushers

Definition

A male friend or relative chosen by the groom to assist him at his wedding. Their job is to make you look stupid and question Veronica's sanity – translation You've messed up, you should have picked someone who you doesn't know you! Why didn't you pick Leroy instead?

Suggestion – Stay calm make sure the bride cannot hear the speeches distract her with a puppy or something shiney until the speeches are over.

OK so that's me done, it's time to hand off to my best man. While my best man is The man who I was once a sparkle in his eye A Man who has picked me up (literally and metaphorically)  A Man who has put me down (literally not metaphorically),  A man who I threw over my shoulder at 13 A Man who has wiped my nose A Man who has wiped my tears,  And a man who has wiped my arse  The best man I know….  My Dad