Speech by James Upton

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: James Upton
Speech Date: Sep2004
Thank you George ‘Dad’ for those kind words and expression of support, I would like to assure you that I will endeavour to live up to and exceed your expectations.

I would also like to say that I will never do anything to make you think ill of me, but until Wales produce a few decent rugby players, I can't swear to that.

One of the first times I really met George, enough to have the "Are you good enough for my daughter" conversation, I defused the situation by taking him down the Swan to watch the ’99 England Wales 6 nations game, England won by the way, I remember it well, it's the getting home I can't remember.

However nothing unites two virtual strangers like a common enemy, i.e. the wrath of Liz and Lucy upon our return. And may I say, what an honour it has been to have fought along side you for the last few years.

It's great to see that so many friends, family members, and freeloaders have made it here today. We are truly honoured that bar a couple of people everyone we wanted here on this special day has made it, Thank you to all of you for making this day as special as it is becoming.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my parents, the originals, for my upbringing and the sacrifices they have made for me.

How can I thank them enough for putting up with me over the past 27 years for all the advice they've given me that I've ignored, for that the love and patience they've shown me that I've tested and for bearing the financial burden that I am. Can I just say it's not over yet?

Mum and Dad the pretenders, aka George and Liz. Thank you both for the kindness and friendliness with which you have accepted me into the clan and the way with which you have always made me feel welcome.

However, when I fell through the rafters of their new kitchen I think George realised his DIY days were far from over. But since you put your foot through my lounge floor, we'll call it evens.

I have to thank them both for bringing up such a beautiful and intelligent daughter, but I'll leave them to argue over which trait comes from who.

Though meagre in comparison to your efforts please accept these gifts as a token of our appreciation.

May I advise the Dads that these presents were bought with the Mums in mind, and that your gifts are still behind the bar waiting to be presented.

I now turn to Lucy, my wife, the new Mrs Upton.
I'm so glad to be married to you … caring, talented, modest, good looking … I can see why you picked me!
Seriously, many people have pointed out that you will be my ‘better half’, I believe, however, that the phrase doesn't do you justice.

I am completely overwhelmed at how fantastic you look, and feel hugely privileged that you've chosen me to be your wife ..… nooo!!! .… to be my wife. (Genuine mistake made on the day but got the biggest laugh understandably).

Not only have you made me the happiest person in the world today, you have changed my life for the better since we met. To think had we not met I would have passed through my years having never attended a ‘Family Rally’. For those with the blank faces this is when the Bull Morris uproots and heads off to a tourist hotspot on a bank holiday weekend with caravans in tow and may I sat how enjoyable they are.

As most of you will know Lucy and I met when I moved into the rented house she already lived in, Lucy knowing that you don't get a second chance at a first impression played a blinder. Even though she was hung-over wearing pink pyjamas a big baggy jumper, I could see the true beauty behind the façade as she was vacuuming my room!

At this time I would like to say a special thank you to Mr Alston, our Landlord, who joins us here today, not for robbing us of our wages for two and a half years, Ebenezer, but for providing the medium through which we met.

Out of all the stories we have together I decided to tell you about our first kiss but to ensure I told the story right I wrote my impression of the event and I got Lucy to write hers, they went something like this:

(Read off papers)

Story 1 (scented pink writing paper)
It was the week before Christmas and snow was falling. We'd had a meal then headed into town for a late drink. After hours of conversation we ended up dancing, the lights were low, the music setting the atmosphere, it felt like we were the only people there. Then you came close and suggested we had a Christmas kiss, and we did.

Story 2 (Crumpled envelope with writing on back)
Traffic was a nightmare as the weather was awful, finally got to our destination, after of hours of avoiding the subject managed to pluck up the courage and, over the din of the music, asked you for a Christmas kiss. I immediately wished I wasn't so drunk and had thought of something better to say. You didn't seem to mind though, while ignoring the hoards of people buffeting us about, trying not to think about why my feet were sticking to the floor, we managed a drunken snog in Bobby Browns.

I'll let you decide whose was which tale.

The other stories I could tell, like wearing a pumpkin on my head to impress Lucy, me flashing Lucy's new sparkly underwear at my parents, and many more, more embarrassing stories, I won't as they're better left untold. All you need to know it that we met, I love her, I think she loves me and the rest as they say is history.

May I say thank you to Barbara, Lucy Nan's for ensuring I didn't forget my role in proceeding. (Flash ‘groom’ pants).
Of course many people here today helped to make this day possible along with keeping us sane and to all those people may I say we know who you are and thank you, we'll be there should you need us.

Special thanks go out to:
Sadie and Clive for the readings.

Bob for what was meant to be playing the organ but with the power cut for stepping forward and leading the singing. Jackie, Maria, and Frances for saving the day and being brave enough to stand at the front and singing Lucy up the aisle.

Beryl for the wonderful flowers along with Jean and my mum aiding and abetting in their preparation and transportation.

And to Sue for such a lovely cake.

Thank you to Gareth our usher. I have to be honest now and admit I haven't got you a present as yet, but please accept this IOU. Yes this was something I was to organise on my own!

To our bridesmaids Sally, Jen, Holly, and Susannah for looking beautiful, turning up to all the dress fitting and generally making it a pleasure to have you involved, thank you.

Please put yourselves in the limelight once more as we, well Lucy has got you presents.
Please be upstanding as I now propose a toast to the Sally, Jen, Holly, and Susannah….… To the Bridesmaids.

For those of Lucy's friend who have put money on a honeymoon baby, get your money out, as Zanzibar is a malarial area and you're not meant to get pregnant while taking the tablets and we'll be taking the tablets. For the rest of you in the bet you should know I've ordered a repeat prescription!!

There is of course one final person to thank tonight and that is Mark my best man, I am however reserving judgement on him till after his speech. I just hope it goes as well as the Stag Do without the stupid costumes. And that he remembers what good friends we are and have been for years and that I stood by him when he was arrested for urinating in public!.