Speech by Justin Leary

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Justin Leary
Speech Date: sep 2003
Now then.

Following on from my fantastic speech, which I know enthralled you all at our engagement party. (actually got that drunk had to be taken home)

I'm sure you were all wandering how I could possibly top it off… There's time yet!

Well I did actually prepare a few notes, but it doesn't matter… Cause now that I'm married, my wife has told me what to say instead!

I also suggested to her that we should put Jamie's suit and shoes on the wedding list.

But If said we're gonna charge him anyway. So the bill's in the post mate!

———————————————————————————————————————–

Together… (Put arm around wife and squeeze / take hold of hand).

Fiona and her bridal mag's have been planning this wedding for a while now, and it goes without saying that I've obviously had a sly ogle or two at the pretty ladies inside.

But I'd just like to say that none of them compare to how beautiful she looks today.

And, hopefully the all sexual innuendoes have died down from our Amsterdam Stag weekend, and it's safe for me to say…

I think you're stunning, and I'm proud to have you on my arm. (Kiss hand)

———————————————————————————————————————–

For those of you who are unaware Fiona and I have been together for nearly 5 years now, and

although attending the same school and even being in the same year, our paths never crossed.

The first time we properly spoke was a few years after school, when I used to work at the Esso Garage.

Fi and Trina would come to the night hatch after a pub crawl around Clayton, and have me running around the shop collecting items which always seemed to be on the bottom shelf, so's I had to bend over to get ‘em!

During the forthcoming weeks things started to become a bit clearer for me.

There was lots of eye contact, smiles and cleavage on offer and in return I responded with more nightly displays of my rear.

But it was Fiona who took it all to the next level.

One busy Saturday afternoon Fi came in, queued up and bought a single Pepperomni Wide Boy. For Katrina apparently.

And said quite loud in front of a full queue of people "I bet you're a Wide Boy!"

Another clue came a couple of weeks later.

Fi and I had been chatting away in the Garage, when the phone rang.

Bearing in mind it was about 3 in the morning and the phone never usually rang during the night shift.

I answered it…

And to my surprise a ladies voice asked, "is that Justin?"

To which I replied "yes" very puzzled by this point.

"Hi it's Fiona's Mum, I'm just checking she's still there that's all, and can you please tell her to hurry up with my fags!"

So I pondered over all the recent events and decided to take the plunge.

I got in contact with Wes, who had Trina's number, who obviously had Fi's, and rang her to try and arrange a date.

To which she replied "No… I'm busy this weekend, but I'm free next week!"

So we started going out, and it soon became quite apparent that we had loads of stuff in common…

After many years of abuse from schoolmates about my tastes, I had finally found someone who also liked shit music, smoked more pot than I did, and that Drew actually spoke to.

———————————————————————————————————————–

I'd like to take this opportunity to propose a toast to our stunning Bridesmaids, and a pledge thank you for wearing those dresses in this sweltering heat!

So could you all raise your glasses and if anyone needs a refill don't worry, because the drinks are on me.

To the Bridesmaids Vicky and Aimee.

We've also got a bit of something for you both.(cue presi's)

———————————————————————————————————————–

Without further a do I'd like to introduce and thank Jamie for agreeing to be my best man.

But take note mate there's a no favours returns policy on this one!

I've known James for about 20 years now, and he is and always will be a great friend.

And just for the record… Anyone else, who brings 24 cans every time they come round, can also be entered onto my ‘great friend's list!’

No, seriously mate thanks for letting us ruin your holiday and probably your Masters Degree, with endless worry about your speech, and to show our gratitude, here's a presi from me and Fi (pass presi)

———————————————————————————————————————–

Over the past few weeks we've both been passing notes on how much we were both shitin it about these speeches, so I know he'll be nervous right now.

But just remember mate, everyone's seen you make a fool of yourself before… Falling asleep with a fag ash this long and a full can of Carling balancing on your knee!

So don't worry mate, just pretend you're pissed!

———————————————————————————————————————–

Now before I come to a close I think it's only fair, that I share with all you eligible bachelors some of the knowledge, which I've gained over the past few years.

So listen carefully boyos…

Whenever you're wrong, admit it, this is normally helped along with gomeless look like this. (Cue face)

And whenever you're right, shut up.

The actual knowing is far more rewarding!