Speech by Lee Durant

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Lee Durant
Speech Date: Oct 2001
Introduction
Good afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen.
I had prepared a superb speech for you today,
but unfortunately, now that I am married,
I've been told to read this one instead.

So Here Goes…
Thank you Cliff, for those kind words,
I'm sure you meant them really,
I remember asking for Claire's hand.
You said, “You're not ideal Lee.”

The guests…
Thank you to all our guests,
for helping us celebrate this day,
thanks for all the cards and presents,
I hope we can read them before we go away.

Thanks especially to those who have travelled far,
for making it from abroad.
From America – Rob & Pam
From Switzerland – Richard & Liliane
And then there's Tony Broad.

All the way from New Ash Green,
from the Rugby club by car.
“Is it a different time zone?”, he said,
“Will there be a bar?”.

So, Ladies & Gentlemen, a toast,
I don't want anyone on their seat.
So get off your arse, and raise your glass
And these are the words to repeat
TO FAMILY & FRIENDS

Pat & Cliff…
Thanks Pat & Cliff for all your help,
in getting this wedding together.
Thank you both for this lovely reception,
it's a shame you couldn't fix the weather
OR
you've even fixed the weather.

Over the last three years, since the birth of our son,
you've been a tower of strength.
The Sunday Roasts, the baby-sitting
I could go on…..at length.

Some might say, “How could you live
So close to your mother-in-law”.
I reply, with a tear in my eye,
“That's nothing, we're about to move in next door”.

For this, some people think I'm stupid,
Maybe even a little bit daft.
But BT have issued a share warning,
‘cos I'm gonna cut my phone bill in half.

But on a serious note I am pleased to say,
that Cliff is the best, and Pat's a great nan.
And if Claire turns out like her Mum,
I'll be a lucky man.

So, Ladies & Gentlemen, a toast,
I don't want anyone on their seat.
So get off your arse, and raise your glass
And these are the words to repeat
TO PAT & CLIFF

Mum & Dad
Like all good weddings, I'd like to mention,
my gratitude to my parents.
Who honestly deserve a medal for
their love, patience and endurance.

So, Ladies & Gentlemen, a toast,
I don't want anyone on their seat.
So get off your arse, and raise your glass
And these are the words to repeat
TO MUM & DAD

And now to my lovely bride…
Today is our day, a day I will treasure,
for the rest of my life.
Not for the food, and not for the gifts,
but for the day you became my wife.

Today you look so stunning,
the most beautiful woman in the world,
OR
in your beautiful dress and with your hair curled,
and I am the luckiest man alive,
to marry my sweetheart, my best friend in the world.

It's hard for me to pinpoint,
the things I love most about you.
It's a million little things rolled into one
that made me want to say I do

It's the way you laugh, the way you smile,
the way you brush your hair.
The way you walk, the way you talk,
the way you show you care.

These are just some of the things that make you special,
the things that I love the most.
I think I'd better stop now,
And simply propose a toast.

So, Ladies & Gentlemen, a toast,
I don't want anyone on their seat.
So get off your arse, and raise your glass
And these are the words to repeat
THE BRIDE

Claire wanted me to mention,
a few words on her behalf,
about her loving husband,
whose stupid fat and daft.

Lee has so many qualities,
looks, charm & brains are but a few,
that he is seriously lacking.
Okay, that'll do.

And now the Bridesmaids…
Elanoar, Amy-Louise & Chloe,
you've made such a good team.
You are such beautiful bridesmaids,
the best we've ever seen.

So, Ladies & Gentlemen, a toast,
I don't want anyone on their seat.
So get off your arse, and raise your glass
And these are the words to repeat
THE BRIDESMAIDS

And now the PageBoys…
Thank you also to our Pageboys,
Gregory and Jack,
The youngest of the children,
and what a happy pack.

A boy band in the making,
girls screaming down the door,
two handsome cousin singers,
the girls will all adore.

So, Ladies & Gentlemen, a toast,
I don't want anyone on their seat.
So get off your arse, and raise your glass
And these are the words to repeat
THE PAGEBOYS

A special thank you to Jack…
Jack, you are the greatest,
the best son in the world by far.
The best thing that has ever happened to me,
now's probably a good time to ask for a car.

The other day he asked for a sister,
it's amazing he's becoming so bright.
So what do you think Claire?
Are we still on for tonight?

The Ushers…
We would also like to thank the ushers
Claire's brothers David and Tony,
And sorry, Tony for that previous mention,
I thought it would be funny.

John for the cars…
And thank you to John for supplying the cars
It was a thoughtful treat.
Mind you, it's a stroke of luck though
‘cos we didn't fancy getting blisters on our feet.

And last but not least Russell…
Thank you finally to Russell,
for agreeing to be the best man.
I've known you twenty years now,
and for once I hope you've got a plan.

The best man's speech should be funny,
you must be terrified of looking a twat.
But just imagine it's Friday night in a club,
Where you always look a prat.

Russell spent years in Birmingham,
But now he's come back South.
In a minute I'd like you to give a warm welcome to
New Ash Green's first possible case Of Foot IN Mouth.

So, Ladies & Gentlemen, a toast,
I don't want anyone on their seat.
So get off your arse, and raise your glass
And these are the words to repeat
THE BEST MAN

And finally…
There's some words that I've been avoiding,
throughout each of these parts.
My Wife & I would like to thank you all,
from the bottom of our hearts

This speech has dragged on,
but I hope that you know that I am sincere.
Today I married my best friend Claire
Claire, I love You, Forever, My dear.