Speech by Lyndon Davies

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Lyndon Davies
Speech Date: Mar2007
INTRODUCTION

Ladies &amp Gentlemen, this may well be the very first and last time that Beverley is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us, and let me say it is a privilege and an honour to do so.

I have been dreading this bit today because I recently read that a survey has been conducted of things that people fear the most, and top of that list, for men, was the fear of standing up and making a speech at their wedding. Well, I am no different, and it is true to say that this isn't the first time today I have got up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.

Well to help with my nerves on this occasion, I decided to prepare myself a few lines, and now that I have snorted them, I feel great.

THANK YOU'S

On behalf of Beverley and myself I would like to start by thanking you all for coming here today and sharing this very special day with us. I know that some of you have travelled long distances to get here, and the effort you have made is very much appreciated. We would also like to thank you all very much for the cards, gifts and wedding presents that we have received. They are all very much appreciated.

LAURENCE.

Firstly, I would like to thank Laurence for his kind words, and for allowing me to marry his daughter. Personally I am delighted to be your Son in Law and I would like to thank you and your family for making me feel so welcome. We would also like to thank you for making the beautiful flower decorations that adorn the centre of all your tables. We have a gift as a token of our thanks and as a memento of this day.

MARGARET.

We could really not have done any of this without your help. Margaret in particular has worked tirelessly for today, working on everything from items like, flowers, dresses, shoes, invites, buses, favours, the list is endless. If it were not for you I am sure we would not be having such a wonderful wedding &amp a fantastic reception. We have a gift as a token of our thanks and as a memento of this day.

USHER.

I would also like to say a big thank you to my little brother Ashley, who has performed the job of the Usher, or should I say the Doorman. However, I did not give him the job because of his physique, I asked him because we have spent the last 30 years looking after each other, and I thought he would do a an excellent job today, looking after our guests. We have a gift as a token of our thanks and as a memento of this day.

BEST MAN.

Sat next to me here is my best man, Simon Hopkins. We first became friendly when we both used to bunk off school and play snooker in the Parc &amp Dare Hall, and since then Simon and I have been mates for over 20 years, and throughout this time, we have enjoyed many memorable nights out, foreign holidays, rugby weekends away, etc. He has become known as my Calming Influence, and today has been no exception. I think he has done an excellent job. We have a gift as a token of our thanks and as a memento of this day.

MY PARENTS.

I would also like to thank both my parents, as most of you know my mother is no longer with us, as she passed away in 2002, and I regret that Beverley never had the chance to meet her, but I know that she would be an extremely proud woman, to see me standing up here today and making this speech on behalf of myself and my wife. I think my mother and my father should be justifiable proud that they have raised 2 excellent sons, and I thank you for a giving me and Ashley such a wonderful start in life. We have a gift as a token of our thanks and as a memento of this day.

BEVERLEY.

Firstly, thanks for all your efforts in co-ordinating our big day, and for all the time and effort you have put in to making sure that today was a major success. Your creativity, attention to detail and preparation was outstanding and you should take most of the credit for what has been an incredible day.

I feel truly honoured to have married someone who is Beautiful, Kind, Caring, has a Good Sense of Humour, is SHORT show the script to Bev, sorry that was meant to say SMART, I just couldn't read HER handwriting.

In all serious though, I have so much to thank you for making me the happiest and proudest man in the Rhondda today. I feel blessed to be able to spend the rest of my life with someone who puts a smile on my face every single day. You look absolutely amazing today, and nothing could have prepared myself for what I saw when you walked down that aisle today, I have never seen you looking more beautiful.

Legend say's that when you see a Rainbow, you will find a Pot of Gold at the end of this Rainbow, well I have been waiting a long time to find my Rainbow, and not only have I found the Pot of Gold, but I have also found a Diamond as well.

Now, as most of you already know, me and Beverley met on a Bind Date, organised by friends of ours, Lisa &amp Rob. And as a token of our thanks, we also have a gift and as a memento of today.

Although at first it took a long time to get us together on the first date, I think you will all agree that it turned out alright in the end.
I remember the evening well, I was due to pick up Beverley about 7:45 on the Sunday evening, and we were going for a drink down the Plymouth Arms pub, well, excitement got the better of me and I was actually early, I think I arrived at about 7.30ish. Anyway, just as I turned up the hill into Llanfair Road, my mobile telephone goes, and it is my brother, asking me if I was watching the first game of the European Championship football, I had to explain to him that I was not watching the football, but going on a Blind Date. After I hung up, I parked my car and knocked on the door of Nr. 24 Llanfair Road, and to my Horror, a woman who was a lot older than me answered the door, my initial reaction was to say I was a Jehovah's Witness, as I thought that either Rob was lying to me about Beverley's age, or worse still, she had her mother to answer the door, and check me out first.

As it turned out I had knocked on the wrong door, Beverley lived at Nr.28. After the initial mix up, I was pleasantly surprised, when I did pull up outside the correct house, and Beverley came out and introduced herself.

Now they say that on a Blind Date, first impressions count, and it takes approximately 6 minutes for either party to decide if you have made the correct decision. Well I spent the next 3 hours thinking, how the hell do I shut this woman up, I don't think I got a word in all night, however, we did decide to meet up at another time, and the rest you can say, is history.

Now like most grooms, the point of the evening I am looking forward to most is when I get to spend time with Beverley on her own, and see the Lingerie that she has been talking about for the last few months. However, I thought I would surprise Beverley myself, with what I have got on under my suit, and I decided to visit the local tattooist, and have the name of my wife emblazoned on my body for ever. However, I think she is going to be in for a bit of a shock, as the tattooist could only get BEV written on it.

BRIDESMAIDS.

A final and big thank you goes to the Bridesmaid, Eleri and the Flower Girl, Jenny. We would both like to say that you look beautiful and thank you for all doing such a wonderful job today. We have a small gift as a token of our thanks and as a memento of this lovely day.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please be upstanding. I would like to propose a toast……….… To the Bridesmaids.

OTHER PRESENTS

We have a few other gifts to give out for people who have helped us with today, firstly there is Julia, who today has played the Violin beautifully in the church.

Secondly there is Karen, who has been with Bev since early this morning doing her hair and make-up.

And last but not least, there is a gift for a true gentleman, and Beverley's Grandpa, Mr.Clarence Carpenter.

A FINAL STORY.

Now that Beverley has married her handsome prince, we all know the story of Cinderella, however, I would like to read you my version of that story.

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.

At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks they were really forrible huckers they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.

Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. &quotMist all chucking frighty!!!&quot said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. &quotWho's fust jarted??&quot asked the prandsome hince. &quotBlame that fugly ucker over there!!&quot said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.

He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome Hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny.

CONCLUSION.

Once again we would like to thank you all for coming here today, it truly would not have been the same without all of you, probably only a bit cheaper, and If I don't get a chance to speak to you at all today, I apologise in advance, and I hope to see you all on the dance floor later this evening.

FINAL TOAST.

Ladies &amp Gentlemen, please be upstanding, for a final toast, to my Wife, BEVERLEY.

THANK YOU.