Speech by Matthew Hawkes

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Matthew Hawkes
Speech Date: Mar2005
Making a grooms speech is not something that you do every day so I would like to begin by saying .… Distinguished guests, and those of no distinction whatsoever, family, relatives, friends, friends of friends, freeloaders and hangers-on, on behalf of my wife & I, welcome to our marriage celebration.

I hope you're all enjoying yourselves on this special day. Its great to see everyone here and I can honestly say it would have been rubbish without you. It would also have been a lot cheaper without you, but that's beside the point.…
So we thank you all for your presence, in both senses of the word.…

Now, I will be making a few toasts throughout this speech – any excuse for a drink.… so please make sure you have a full glass in front of you!

I will start however, by taking this opportunity to especially thank Pauline & Simon, both for their kind words, Simons marital advice… and for all their help with this special day as I can honestly say that there is no way Jane & I could have organized this wonderful event whilst sunning ourselves on the beaches of Thailand.… so luckily for all of us they have superbly produced what I can only describe as a once in a lifetime day for the both of us.… And, of course, for raising my wonderful wife from a raucous teenager to the beautiful women who sits next to me today.… so can you please charge your glasses for a toast.…
To PAULINE & SIMON..… thank you

Now it is traditional to thank everyone who has made that extra special effort to be here, to travel that extra mile to make our day so extra special but seeing as NONE of our friends from the UK have made it – (slow) the bastards.…
I think we can skip over that bit.…
(SCRUNCH UP THIS SHEET & THROW OVER SHOULDER)
However, we would like to thank those of you who have traveled to get here, I believe from as far afield as Napier, Australia and even Wellington.…
So thank you all.

We would also like to thank my parents who are definitely here in spirit but not in body as they are both quite old & frail and, as my mother said to me, “There is no way you're getting me on a bloody airplane for 24 hours”.… But not to worry, we will send them a copy of the video!.…

So thank you mum & dad for all the support, for all the money… and for telling me over & over again that Jane is the best thing to have ever happened to me.…

So a toast please.…
TO MY MUM & DAD.… Thank you

I have been told there are many things that go into making a marriage happy: love & fidelity of course, innate trust, the security of having someone who will always listen. And there are certain secrets aswell, those of tenacity, stamina, forgiveness – or failing that a defective memory.… It has also been said that marriage is a 50/50 partnership. Whoever said that knew nothing about women…and even less about fractions.…
But it is a partnership that I am very happy to be part of.

Of course this really is Janes special day, and I must say she looks absolutely stunning, she made my knees go weak as she walked to me this afternoon and I feel very proud and honoured to call her my wife – and having taken 5 hours to get ready, I am sure she will look just as gorgeous tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and the next.…

Luckily, Jane did not have to get through today without the help of her 3 lovely bridesmaids, Lisa, Lisa & Caroline, who have helped and supported her throughout today and who have been such good friends to Jane for so many years.
But most of all we want to thank them all for looking so fabulous… so ladies & gentlemen, please charge your glasses for the last time as I propose a toast…
TO THE BRIDESMAIDS.… Thank you

AND I have ONE last thing to say which is please enjoy the rest of this wonderful food and we look forward to seeing you all out on the dance floor later this evening.

Now Mr & Mrs Hawkes will cut the cake.

Thank you very much