Speech by Michael

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Michael
Speech Date: 14/08/2017 02:15:09

Thank you Joe and Sandra for your kind words. By the way, I totally agree with all the nice things you've said about me. Thanks!

Reverend Father, Ladies and Gentlemen… Welcome here today.

I had a fantastic speech prepared for today, but now that I'm married, Lauren has told me exactly what to say.

First of all, I would like to thank Father Christopher and Father Brian. I'm sure you'll agree the service today was wonderful. Father Brian, thank you especially for your guidance over the years, through my first communion, then my confirmation and now my wedding. Let's just hope you're still around for my funeral. Thank you.

I would like to thank you all for coming today, it means a great deal to us to have so many of our friends and family together to celebrate this, our special day. I'd especially like to acknowledge those who have travelled great distances to be here. I'd love to list you all individually but I don't want to make some of the people in this room nervous. You see, there was a time when an Englishman read out a register around these parts and a lot of you became Australians!

Don't worry the bread is free, fill your boots! All joking aside, I must mention the huge effort from Lauren's family and our friends who have come all the way from Australia and New Zealand! I'd also like to thank our friends who have travelled in from Austria, Norway, Germany, Malta, Dubai, Gibraltar, and Clapham. And of course, my family travelling from Ireland, Scotland, America and Portugal, it wouldn't be the same without you. It is great to know that so many people around the world care enough to come and celebrate with us…and that we have free accommodation on our honeymoon!

It also goes to show how far some of you will travel for a free meal!

Of course, there are some people who couldn't be here with us today. Lauren's cousins Simone and Nick, and Carolina and Dave, who are both nurturing a set of twins each. And also Lauren's Nana Caroline who apparently is very excited for us. And to our dear friend Tim who is no doubt looking down on us today.

Lauren's Parents, Joe and Sandra. What can I say?! First, thank you for welcoming me into your family. I have never felt more welcome. From the first time I met you, you have made me feel part of the family and I thank you. Secondly, for doing an amazing job in raising Lauren. She really is a keeper and has inherited her kind nature, caring attitude and loving traits from you both. You should be very proud. And of course, for letting me steal Lauren away from you. I hope you realise that although we live half way around the world, you are not losing a daughter, but instead gaining a son. Your help and support throughout all of this has been incredible, so thank you.

And to all Lauren's extended family. This is going to sound like a scene from the movie Ted, but I'll give it a shot.

Jade, Johnny, Jenny, Janice, Jacs, Jane, Liza, Mal, Ted, Noel, Lina – thank you also!

You're a very tight knit family and I feel as welcomed as Jade's husband Johnny was when he joined. And bearing in mind he's an ex-professional rugby player, an all-round gent and everyone's ideal son-in-law, I'm sure it's my two national basketball championship titles that have earned me the same respect, just saying!

To Dr Nigel, whom without I LITERALLY wouldn't be standing here today. Thank you for all your efforts throughout the years. You truly are a life saver.

I must also recognise our page boy and flower girl, Brendan and Fiona from Boston, I'm sure everyone can agree they look very cute and done a fantastic job today. And to their parents Damien and Laura who were happy enough to lend us their kids like I'd asked to borrow a fiver.

To my own family. Eamon, Sinead and Ann-Marie. To Eamon who wised up and became friendlier to me when I grew considerably taller than him, smart move. Sinead, for your support throughout the years, and Ann-Marie, the Chief, for the banter.

And of Course, Mum and Dad, Ann and Tom, well congratulations! On the third attempt, you reached perfection.

But seriously from the bottom of my heart, you kept me on the straight and narrow, made sure I got a great education and helped me through all the tough times. But most of all thank you for being the most loving, supportive and caring parents I could have asked for.

To the bridesmaids, Sarah and Julia and the WOLFPACK, Jade, Jane, Jacs and Liza! You guys look stunning! I must thank you all for doing a terrific job of supporting Lauren here and in Australia. And especially today, thanks for keeping her from turning into Bridezilla. Also, for not talking any sense into her!

To my Groomsmen, as expected, thanks for putting in the bare minimum effort, you guys might as well be playing Nintendo Sixty Jaw! For those of you who don't know my groomsmen, you have my brother Eamon and my friend Holty. Then for all those single ladies and those adventurous married ones, we have the bachelors.

If you fancy a clean cut, confident, charming, a slimmer version of James Cordon, who will make you split the bill, let me introduce you to our MC for the night Mr James.

If you prefer them a bit more animal-like, rougher round the edges, but will still show you a good time, then ‘Pig’ is your man.

But if you're 2 bottles of wine, 5 gin and tonics and a few Sambuca's down, and fancy your chances at STD roulette, then ‘Ugly’ is the one for you.

Now onto the Wife! Beautiful, charming, caring, classy, loving, confident, elegant, charismatic, stylish, intelligent, gracious, honest and funny…are all amazing characteristics…which she found endearing about me.

For those of you who don't know, I first met Lauren in a pub in South London about 5 years ago. I had gone to the pub about midday for some lunch with my housemates, Liam and Jez. This quickly escalated into some beers, with a side order of more beers. At around 7pm, I was a bit merry to be honest, and I saw my beautiful future wife from across the room, and thought to myself, wow, she's a bit alright.

So I made my way across and thought it would be a good idea to offer her and her friend some shots of tequila. Upon this enticing offer, Lauren did what any sensible, sober woman would have done. She told me in no uncertain pleasantries to…leave her vicinity immediately (Mouth ‘F OFF’). It was at this point I knew I was onto a winner! It wasn't until later in another bar, where I spotted her again. I decided to take a leaf out of my friend Ugly's book and thought to myself ‘Persistence beats Resistance’, and here we are today.

Since then, Lauren and I have had some fantastic years together. Throughout which she has established herself as a fantastic marketing manager at ********. She's made some wonderful friends, She's already called Aunty Lauren to my niece and nephew and has adopted the parental role for her cousins Jane and Jac who have done a stint of London living.

May I say, Lauren, you look absolutely stunning today. When I saw you walk down the aisle, you took my breath away. I'm the luckiest man in the world to have found someone so loving and caring and willing to share your life with me. I love you and look forward to spending our lives together.

So, Father, Ladies and Gentlemen, please may you raise a glass, to my beautiful wife, Lauren.

For those of you sick of hearing from me, don't worry, the end is near. Let me please hand you over to what can only be described as a ‘TRUE GENT’. He has been a tremendous sounding board, a fantastic events coordinator and a great friend since we were eleven years old, he even decided to show me up on my own wedding! He's the recent recipient of his own wife in Santorini and a man who has been hating me ever since I asked him to be BEST MAN, Mr Ashley.