Speech by Neil Thomas

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Neil Thomas
Speech Date: apr 2003
Groom's Speech

Distinguished guests, guests of no particular distinction, relatives young and old, friends, freeloaders, hangers on, gypsies, tramps and thieves.

Welcome to our wedding reception.

My wife and I would like to thank you all for attending today, for your good wishes and support and for your fantastic gifts and generosity.

In the course of my preparations for today I read somewhere that a successful speech has both a good beginning and a good ending but that a truly great speech is one that keeps both of these very close together.

With that in mind and as Henry VIII said to each one of his wives “I shall not keep you too long.”

There are however certain important matters for me to deal with on behalf of Tessa and myself and I would firstly like to thank Mike for his kind words.

I would like to thank Dot & John and Mike & Susie for welcoming me into Tessa's family. Your beautiful daughter is a credit to you and I promise to do my best for her and to be a good husband to her and son in law to you.

I am however slightly worried to hear that on the way into the church today one of the ushers asked Dot whether she was a friend of the groom and she allegedly replied “Certainly not young man – I'm the brides mother!”

Indeed when Tessa told John & Dot that we were getting married John took great delight in informing me that there was no way he was going to give her away – I would have to pay good money for her!

In all seriousness John, I don't think I could ever come up with enough money to represent how much Tessa means to me.

Thanks also to Mum & Dad for their support today and throughout my life, as they know only too well, I've always been there when I've needed something – and I'd like to reassure them that nothing that's happened today will have any effect on that!

Thanks especially to Dot & John, Mum & Dad and Mike & Susie for your fantastic gifts and assistance in making today such a splendid occasion.

There are so many people to thank for their contribution to the wedding:

Our thanks go to:

Granny Cox for making the superb wedding cake.

Sister Tara for finding the text and doing the reading in Church. – Hope it wasn't too much of an ordeal for you.

Sisters Alice & Tara for organising the Hen Party – The Dublin Hellraiser!

Brother David with a little help from Patrick for sorting the stag do – I never new Amsterdam had so many beautiful Churches.

Chris and Lynn for doing the photography and for giving me a place in the school basketball team even though I was nowhere near good enough.

I am sure you will all agree with me in saying how lovely Tessa looks today. I can honestly say Darling that I was truly knocked out when I turned and saw you walking down the Isle towards me in the church.

I am absolutely delighted that you agreed to be my wife and many friends have told me how lucky I am. I know they are right.

There is an unwritten rule at weddings that no-one should look nearly as beautiful as the bride nor as handsome as the groom. I am pleased to report that I have certainly had no competition from the ushers and best man.

And so to Tilly, Tessa's sister, best friend and bridesmaid. I asked Tilly to do two things today, firstly to be there for Tessa when she needed you and secondly to look fantastic. I am sure everyone will agree with me that Tilly has managed to both of those things admirably.

Indeed I can report that I have already had 5 requests for Tilly's mobile phone number which is somewhat concerning given that there only 3 single guys in the entire room.

Thank you, Tilly for all your help and the support you have given Tessa in preparing for today.

Thank you also to Tessa for making this the best day of my life.

Ladies and Gentlemen in a slight break with tradition could I please ask you to be upstanding and raise your glasses in a toast to “Tessa & Tilly.”

Finally on a serious note I wish to make a frank and public apology to my brother David, the best man.

Yes, two years ago this very day in circumstances not dissimilar to this although where our roles were reversed I made a dreadful error of judgement and delivered a speech in which I cast aspersions on your character, made petty jokes and put downs at your expense and generally took the mickey out of you.

I want you to know that having moved from the position of witness box to being in the dock I realise that my actions were unfair and indeed a grave mistake.

I apologise most sincerely. I am ashamed of my actions and can only take comfort in the knowledge that you are not the type of person that will seek to use today as an opportunity to extract your revenge. Especially not in front of my new wife and her family!………..…