Speech by Paul Edwards

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Paul Edwards
Speech Date: 19/09/2013 15:14:35

I WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE MY WIFE TO THE PORT CLARENCE SWINGERS CLUB…..OH SORRY, NO, ERM …THAT'S NEXT WEEKS SPEECH, SORRY……

HERE WE ARE, THIS IS THE RIGHT SPEECH…

UNACCUSTOMED AS I AM TO PUBLIC SPEAKING AND BEING OF A SHY AND RETIRING NATURE I INTEND TO KEEP MY SPEECH SHORT. THANKS FOR COMING AND THE WIFE LOOKS NICE .               ( SIT DOWN )

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DISTINGUISHED GUESTS, GUESTS OF NO PARTICULAR DISTINCTION, RELATIVES, FRIENDS, FREELOADERS, HANGERS ON, GYPSIES, TRAMPS, THIEVES AND ANYONE ELSE WHO MAY HAVE WANDERED IN,

MY EX-GIRLFRIEND AND I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING TODAY…..

ALLRIGHT LETS GET IT OVER WITH, YOUR DYING TO CHEER, ON BEHALF OF MY WIFE AND I…                   ( CHEER )

FIRSTLY CAN I PUT AN END TO THE RUMOURS THAT WE HAD TO GET MARRIED, WHEN VONNY PUT ON FACEBOOK THAT SHE WAS WITH CHILD , SHE DID IN FACT MEAN ME.

I'LL MAKE THIS SHORT AS I AM DYING TO GET THE WIFE OUT THE BACK AND GIVE HER A GOOD SEEING TO, HAVING SAID  THAT THIS MAY BE THE ONLY TIME THAT I WOULD HAVE WITH MY WIFE AND MOTHER-IN-LAW AND DAWN IN THE SAME ROOM AND NOT GET INTERUPTED, SO I MAY BE SOME TIME!!!

YOU ALL KNOW THE DRILL HERE, THERE WILL BE A SERIES OF TOASTS SO TRY AND STOP YOURSELVES FROM GUZZLING DOWN YOUR DRINK ON THE FIRST ONE. MENTION NO NAMES….

YOU ARE ALL ABOUT TO WITNESS A UNIQUE EVENT IN HISTORY.  THE VERY FIRST AND VERY LAST TIME THAT MY WIFE IS GOING TO LET ME SPEAK ON BEHALF OF BOTH OF US.  HOWEVER, IT IS A PRIVILEGE AND AN HONOUR TO DO SO.  I JUST HOPE THAT, SO SOON INTO OUR MARRIED LIFE, I DON'T LET VONNY DOWN . WE HOPE YOU ENJOY THE GIFTS WE HAVE GIVEN YOU ALL TO REMEMBER THIS DAY BY, AS USUAL I SEEM TO HAVE GONE OVERBOARD AGAIN ON EBAY.

TO BE HONEST I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW WHERE TO START  WITH THIS SPEECH SO I THOUGHT I'D TRAWL THE INTERNET. AFTER A COUPLE OF HOURS I‘D FOUND SOME REALLY, REALLY GOOD STUFF.  BUT THEN I REMEMBERED THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING A SPEECH. 

IT'S LOVELY TO SEE SO MANY OF OUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS HERE TODAY TO HELP US CELEBRATE THIS SPECIAL DAY. I KNOW THAT SOME OF YOU HAVE TRAVELLED A LONG WAY TO BE HERE AND THAT MEANS A LOT TO US.  IT REALLY WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU ALL.  IT'D BE A LOT BLOODY  CHEAPER, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.  AND I SEE MOST OF YOU HAVE MADE AN EFFORT TO LOOK NICE TOO….THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING , AND WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR ALL THE CARDS AND WISHES , AND WE WERE OVERWHELMED BY YOUR GENEROSITY WITH GIFTS AND VOUCHERS AND IF ITS OK WITH YOU WE WISH TO DONATE SOME TO 2 CHARITIES THAT ARE CLOSE TO OUR HEART. TO VONNY'S PLACE, WICH IN FACT IS IN THE KITCHEN, AND THE REUNITED DRY DRINKERS SOCIETY, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE RUDDS, WICH FOR THOSE WATCHING ON YOUTUBE IS OUR LOCAL PUB, AND IT HELPS ABLE BODIED PEOPLE TO REALIZE WHAT ITS LIKE TO LOOSE CONTROL OF YOUR LEGS AND SPEECH.

UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO HAVE EVERYONE WE LOVE HERE WITH US TODAY, VONNYS DAD PASSED AWAY JUST RECENTLY AND MY MAM N DAD DIED A FEW YEARS BACK BUT WE KNOW THEY'RE HERE WITH US IN SPIRIT AND THEY'RE NOT ONLY IN OUR THOUGHTS TODAY, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY THEY'RE WITH US IN OUR HEARTS. SO, WITH THEM IN MIND, WOULD YOU PLEASE ALL STAND, RAISE YOUR GLASSES, AND  JOIN ME IN A TOAST TO ABSENT FAMILY & FRIENDS.

(TO ABSENT FAMILY AND FRIENDS )

I WOULD LIKE TO SAY A BIG THANK YOU TO VONNYS MAM FOR BEING SUCH A LOVELY PERSON  AND FOR MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'V BEEN IN THE FAMILY FOR YEARS

TO MY NEW MAM ID JUST LIKE TO SAY YVONNES IN GOOD HANDS  AND I SHALL DO MY UTMOST TO MAKE SURE SHE LOOKS AFTER ME PROPERLY. I FEEL HOMOURED TO CALL YOU MAM. OVER THE LAST 2 YEARS OR SO IVE REALY GOT TO KNOW VONNYS FAMILY QUITE WELL AND APART FROM ONE OR TWO OF EM THEY ARE A GREAT BUNCH, THEY HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR THEY WELCOMED ME INTO THEIR FAMILY FROM DAY 27, THE FIRST MONTH OR SO I WAS SCRUTINIZED, ANALYSED INVESTIGATED AND FINALLY I REMEMBER DAWN SAYING TO HER MAM , YEH WE'L KEEP HIM.

AND A TOKEN OF MY LOVE ( FLOWERS ) AND A TOAST TO VERA THANK YOU

ID LIKE TO THANK ANDREW AND DAWN FOR MAKING ME FEEL WELCOME INTO THE FAMILY , AND ANDREW YOUR MAM AND I WERE SO HAPPY THAT YOU WANTED  TO WALK HER DOWN  THE AISLE AND TO GIVE HER AWAY TODAY. I CAN PROUDLY SAY THAT YOU DID A FANTASTIC JOB!! THANK YOU…….

AND THANKS TOO TO PAUL AND NATALIE FOR TAKING VONNY INTO THEIR HEART. YOU CAN SEE HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME , I FELT IT WAS ONLY RIGHT THAT I ASKED ALL THE FAMILY  FOR THEIR BLESSING BEFORE I PROPOSED TO VONNY , AND PLEASED THAT THEY ALL LOVED THE IDEA AND I THANK YOU  ( FLOWERS )

A TOAST PLEASE TO ANDREW, DAWN, PAUL AND NATALIE

AND I MUST ALSO THANK MY BEST MAN, WHEN IT CAME TO CHOOSING MY BEST MAN, THERE WAS ONLY ONE PERSON I COULD THINK OF, BUT HE WAS BUSY SO I HAD TO ASK YOU , MY  BEST FRIEND, SON AND HEIR , AND I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME AN INSIGHT TO WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE WORKING AS A TAXI DRIVER, RELATIONSHIP GUIDANCE COUNSELOR. AND A HOLE IN THE WALL BANK MACHINE,  HE EVEN HAS ME DOWN ON SPEED DIAL UNDER THE WONGA .COM, I HOPE THAT'S A REFERENCE TO THE LOANS NOT THE CHARACTERS IN THE ADVERT. HE KNOWS ME BETTER THAN ANYONE AND YET IS STILL HAPPY TO ADMIT TO OTHERS THAT I'M HIS DAD

ITS GOOD ETIQUATE FOR THE BESTMAN NOT TO LOOK AS GOOD AS  THE GROOM SO I THANK YOU FOR STICKING TO THAT

I WANT TO THANK ALSO , ANDREA AND ADELLE AND THE STAFF OF THE BLUE BELL OF DOING EVERYTHING TO MAKE THIS PLACE LOOK SO GLAMOROUS AND ENSURING THAT WE COULD RELAX KNOWING THAT THE PHOTOGRAPHERS FROM OK MAGAZINE WERE NOT ALLOWED IN AND THAT WE WERE IN GOOD HANDS. OH , AND ADELLE , YOUR PUDDINGS ARE LOVELY..

IT'S A RARE AND BEAUTIFUL THING WHEN TEARS ARE SHED IN HAPPINESS BUT WE HAVE A BUCKET FULL OF HAPPY TEARS HERE TODAY THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE AND I REALY MUST THANK VONNY FOR POINTING THAT OUT TO ME. 

AS MOST OF YOU KNOW WE MET IN THE RUDDS, VONNY WAS WITH A LOAD OF HER FRIENDS AND I WAS STOOD AT THE END OF THE BAR ON MY OWN, WAITING FOR SOMEONE WHO I KNEW TO COME IN SO I COULD TAG ALONG WITH THEM IN THE MEAN TIME LOOKING AT MY PHONE PRETENDING I WAS TEXTING ONE OF MY MANY FRIENDS AND WHEN I LOOKED AROUND OUR EYES MET ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM AND SHE SMILED AND I THOUGHT “ WHO ARE YOU LOOKING AT, DO YA WANT SOME OR WHAT “ AND THEN WE MET AGAIN LATER IN THE EVENING IN THE SMOKING AREA, OR RATHER I STALKED HER AND I WAS TRYING DESPERATELY TO THINK OF SOMETHING TO SAY BUT MY BRAIN WAS OVERCOME WITH MUSH AND INSTEAD OF BEING THE CASONOVA I WAS FORREST GUMP AND JUST BLURTED OUT SOMETHING LIKE “ ARE YOU A SOCIAL LEPER AS WELL” BUT WE GOT TALKING AND I GOT HER NUMBER AND NEXT DAY ARRANGED TO GO OUT AND ON OUR  FIRST DATE, AND IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN BETTER. VONNY HELPED ME DEVELOP MY LISTENING SKILLS AND THE CORRECT ETIQUITE OF NOT INTERRUPTING HER. EVEN NOW SHE STILL CORRECTS ME WITH I SAW , I HAVE SEEN, AND OTHER SUCH GRAMMER , IT REALY IS QUITE ENDEARING AND ADORABLE EACH AND EVERY TIME SHE DOES IT. OH AND I'VE GOT RESPONSIBILITY NOW WE'RE MARRIED, VONNY'S PUT ME  IN CHARGE OF OBEYING HER. SHE ALWAYS SAYS I NEVER LISTEN, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I WILL ALWAYS SAY TO HER THOSE THREE LITTLE WORDS, YOUR RIGHT DEAR. BUT SERIOUSLY

ON THAT FIRST DATE AT THE CROSS KEYS, THE WORLD LITERALLY MELTED AWAY AND I FELL FOR VONNY, AND AT MY AGE IT WAS A STRUGGLE TO GET BACK UP, BUT THAT NIGHT I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU AND YOU SMILED BECAUSE YOU KNEW. FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU WAS EASY AND WE'VE MADE SOME LOVELY MEMORIES SO FAR AND WE HAVE A LOT MORE TO MAKE IN YEARS TO COME.

I TRULY THANK YOU FOR AGREEING TO MARRY ME AND FOR MAKING ME THE HAPPIEST MAN IN THE WORLD.  I THINK YOU'LL AGREE THAT SHE LOOKS ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS AND WHEN I SAW HER….SORRY …SEEN HER..NO..SAW HER TODAY SHE TOOK MY BREATH AWAY.

NOW IF I HAD TO SINGLE OUT ONE THING ABOUT WHY I LOVE VONNY SO MUCH, IT WOULD BE THE FACT THAT SHE MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN I EVER DREAMED I COULD BE. YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SPARKLE IN YOUR EYES WHENEVER YOU SMILE, AND I INTEND TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE MAKING SURE THAT SPARKLE NEVER FADES , YOU WEAR YOUR HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE AND YOUR GRAVY ON YOUR BLOUSE, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, FUNNY, UNDERSTANDING CARING,I COULD GO ON AND ON WITH THE PLAUDITS BUT I CANT READ YOUR WRITING .VONNY, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE STAND AND RAISE YOUR GLASSES TO MY BRIDE, YVONNE SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, I'D LIKE THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT WITH ME  AND THANK GOD THAT I'M FINALLY GOING TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP. CHEERS.