Speech by Paul Notley
Was so paranoid about doing this speech, but it went down a treat, hope it can be of use to someone
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Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Paul Notley
Speech Date: 25/09/2012 10:28:29
I'm not very good with speeches
so I've written a poem instead
I hope you can find it entertaining
Like the dead bird on my mother in laws head.
So I'd like to express our thanks
on behalf of myself and my wife
and the biggest thanks are to you lot
for sharing this day in our life.
A big thank you to the family
who have come from so far away
It's brilliant you could all make it
it really has made our day.
Thanks to everyone who gave us gifts
And thanks to everyone who gave us money
We're gonna use it to book a flight
To somewhere that's warm and sunny.
Now there's some people who can't be here today
and some of those are looking down from above
Please rise and join me in a toast
to the absent family and friends who we love.
…..to absent family and friends….
Now today would not have been possible
Without all the help that we've had
So a massive thanks to Peter and Jane
Anne, David, Mum, Jules & Dad.
There's some more people who deserve to mention
especially my brother in law Oli
and Gav and my sister Kim
and our wedding planner Polly.
We feel indebted to you all
We'll pay you back in some way
Let me know if you're ever hard up
I'll put Abi's dress on eBay.
The night I got Peters permission
to ask Abi to be my wife
apart from my first day at school
It was the scariest moment of my life.
We were sat in a restaurant in Spain
everyone else went out for a ciggie
I was drunk and alone with Peter
this opportunity was a biggie…
I'd finally found the courage to ask him
after necking two bottles of wine
To my horror at 1st he laughed
But then said: yes, that'll be fine.
Now Peter let me assure you
looking after your daughter is now my mission
I'll keep her safe and happy
but there is just one condition.
There's one thing I'd like in return
this year when Christmas comes knocking
I hope now I'm part of the family
I too, qualify for a stocking?
The first day I met Anne she was mean
we met in the pub for a drink and a chat
she took the Mickey out of me in front of my friends
I thought don't worry, I'll get u back.
And within 6 months, I'd been sick in her laundry bin
all down her stairs, ALL over the bog
but I still protest my innocence
to this day, I still blame her dog.
Now-I'm-your son-in-law, I should call you mum
Mama or mumsie perhaps
but none of these names will stick
so I'll just carry on calling you flaps.
Peter and Jane, Anne and David
and Abi's brothers too
thanks for making me feel welcome
don't know who's worse off, me or you.
Well done to my Mum and dad
for producing such an incredible son
I really couldn't ask for better parents
I appreciate everything that you've done.
Thanks for always being supportive
when things didn't go to plan
and thanks for being my taxis
when I was serving my driving ban.
We'd like to say thanks to the bridesmaids
For helping my bride through the day
and every single one of you
look absolutely stunning today.
The hen parties were a success
Thanks for keeping Abi on her feet
And I don't ever want to know
If she flashed, stripped, or streaked.
So I'll propose a toast to the bridesmaids
some sat here and some over there
please all rise from your seats
and lift your glass up, in the air.
…..to the bridesmaids…..
If you wandered why I picked these ushers
Its not coz I've known them since school
I picked them to make me look handsome
and also to make me look cool.
Thanks for my stag-do in Prague
it was an absolute delight
I'm just relieved that here at our wedding
there's not a melon, or rock-pool in sight.
So this marriage will last the distance
with love, trust and dedication
we'll listen to all of your marriage tips
so long as they're not from Christian or JAYSON.
When I first met Abi, she was working
at a pub in town called the red
she was trying to throw us all out
so we ignored every word that she said.
She started to get a bit snakey
I thought, I know what to do
the romantic in me took over
and I smashed my glass on her shoe.
Luckily she forgave me
she even stalked me a bit
she drove circles round my workplace
and she told all her friends I was fit.
Abi I promise I'll never hurt you
I'll be your heart's desire
I'll never shout and raise my arms
unless, our flat is on fire.
You really are 1 in a million
You're special, you're unique,
You're pretty much the only girl I've met
Who squats, and pees in the street.
(apart from her Mum)
Abi, When I saw you today in the church
It nearly stopped me from breathing
One look at you in your dress
Confirmed, I've been over achieving.
I love you with all my heart
your pretty, funny and kind
You'd do anything for anyone
Which is why you're such a good find.
I used to say marriage was for losers
back then I didn't have a clue
Because I'll happily be called a loser
If I can spend the rest of my life, with you.
So if you could all rise from your seat again
I'll propose another toast
to the most amazing girl in the world
and the one that I love the most.
…..To Abi…..
Um, I'm not going to bore you much longer
Don't want anyone dying of thirst
I'm about to pass over to my best man
but I'll get a couple of digs in first.
Dan you been a good friend to me
we've been pals ever since we left school
we see less of each other these days
but you are a bad influence so that's cool.
Thanks for being my best man today
I was worried that you might forget
but you've dragged yourself away from your XBOX
And those dodgy German sites on the net.
He's quite a big hit with the ladies
but his standards? He has none
It's not that he chases any girl that walks
he goes for the ones that can't run.
Quite often he's away with the fairies
his head with the clouds in the sky
So if he says anything bad about me
its a fib, story or lie