Speech by Paul

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Paul
Speech Date: aug2002

Erm! Well thanks Barry for those kind words, how the bloody hell do I follow that.. (Can I please have a round of applause for Barry)?

Well good afternoon Ladies & Gentleman & Family

Before I start rambling out my thank you's I would just like to point out the fun cameras on selected tables. Please can you take some photos of our day. We will send you a copy of any good photos

To the boy's I've worked with past and present no African fruit bowls, chickens or moonies please…

I'll try not to keep you to long I promise but I must thank a few people besides which I'm concerned about my throat and to the fact if I go on for to long donna has threatened to cut it for me.

As you can probably tell I am really nervous about standing up here and speaking suffice to say this is not the first time toady I've risen from a warm seat with a piece of paper in hand.

I'd like to start the speech in the way I mean to go on, that is with a big thank you to all of you for turning up. On behalf of my wife and I, (Bloody hell that sounds scary ‘my wife and I’). I know this is meant to be our day but of course it wouldn't be as special a day, if it wasn't for all our friends and family being here with us today. So again we would like to thank you all.

Today has been a long time in coming for two reasons really, One is the old scary saying when you chose your wife look at your future mother-in-law because that's the way they are supposed to turn out. So I've been biding my time for a few years.

Secondly Donna and I have been together for over 9 years now, and have acquired a mortgage and Madison in that time. Madison delightfully interrupted our plans to wed 2 years ago. So we decided to leave it until Madison could be part of the day.

Being a parent is hard sometimes, there are times you wish they'd grow up a bit quicker.
For example I've been waiting until Madison is the age she is and started making conversation so she could tell me where the bloody TV remote control is, she lost a year ago.

Without further ado my wife and I would like to say a massive thank you to Sally, for the making of Donna's dress. Personally I think it's an achievement second to none and Donna looks absolutely stunning. Sally we do have a gift but I will not embarrass you and ask you to come up so we will come and see you in a mo.
While we are on the subject of dresses Donna & I would like to thank Gloria who is unable to attend today for the superb job you have done on all the bridesmaids’ dresses, they all look very beautiful.

We would also like to thank Dawn and the breath taking cake she has made a presented. What that woman can't do with icing is nobodies business. Again Donna and I have a gift, which we will bring to you shortly.

Just before the parents thank you's I'd also like to thank, you Willy for taking the photo's today. You have organised everybody superbly and I'm sure they will be treasured memories for many years to come and I'm also sure we will bore many of you with them for just as long. I was a bit worried when you said you had a special flash lined up for today I'm just glad or should I say relieved it's on top of you camera and not you taking your clothes off.

Now we come to the parents, stepparents & Significant others who deserve the biggest thank you today.

Donna & I would like to thank you all from the bottom of our hearts, because if it weren't for you we wouldn't be here today.

We would like to thank you for your love and support over the years, for all the advice you have given us, for putting up with us through our teenage years and for pointing us in the right direction.

Thank you for all the help with today's preparations and especially the financial support through our lives and today.
Speaking of which ‘Dad I'm a bit short, any chance of a sub!

We have some presents for you also, so would Mum, mother-in-law (Shudder!) Nan Brenda, Nan Sinika please stay seated and we will come to you after I have finished.

To the gents we didn't get you anything, so Donna will buy you a drink later. I say Donna because as I now have this band on my finger I am no longer allowed my own money.

By the way, John I haven't forgotten, I'll sign that receipt for you later…

You see Ladies & gentleman and the mother –in-law John, Donna's over protective Granddad has written a receipt for me that reads: –

Received one Granddaughter in perfect condition,
fully guaranteed,
Fully warranted,
Comes complete with all extra's (satellite navigation programmed with directions to the kitchen, also air conditioning. Which I must say seems to be faulty as she keeps blowing hot and cold).
It also says:-
Warning has a tendency to get irritable if she doesn't get the final say on EVERYTHING!
Care Notes Gets bored easily keep busy with the constant supply of chores.

It shall be done Mate!

Not to be out done my Dad has a receipt for Donna it says:-

Received one Son, sold as seen,
No refunds under any circumstances,
I'm moving with no forwarding address
For after sales support phone his Mother.
Warning that slight discoloration is dirt, which may rub off if sand blasted, but don't count on it it's been there for some time.
Care Notes De-hydrates easily, top up regularly with beer.

Now the inevitable praises of the new wife are upon us. You may want to record this Donna for future references.

I asked Donna's mum how she looked in her wedding dress. She said wonderful but that didn't prepare me enough for when I saw her walk down the isle. I was overwhelmed to say the least by how beautiful Donna looks today. Donna I would like to thank you for becoming my wife. You are Beautiful, Elegant, intelligent, supportive, kind, funny, caring. Sorry darling what does that word say I can't read your writing.
Seriously though, you have made today the best day of my life.
Thank you for everything you have done. You know everything about me and love me just the same. I have my faults I know yet you still agreed to marry me. I am an extremely lucky man today to be the one to marry you and I hope this is the start of many happy years together. Thank you.

If I'm boring any of you at the moment tough luck, this is our day. I did actually have a great speech prepared for you today but as I am now married my wife has told me what to say instead.

Thank you Tony, I have to say I couldn't ask more of a best man, over the years he's been a shoulder to cry on, a house to stay at and above all a great drinking partner, but most importantly of all my best friend. He's so far helped the day run effortlessly and as before I couldn't ask for more of a best man, and I'm really pleased that you agreed to be here in this role today.
We have of course got a little present for you. I didn't wrap it as I thought you'd need it straight away, Dutch courage drink quickly mate it's your turn next, tough audience.
Knowing Tony so well I know he'll be nervous about speaking to you in a few minutes, but I've seen you make a fool of yourself in front of a crowd on numerous occasions, so just imagine you are in the pub mate, but the kind where you keep your trousers on!!!!

Whilst on the subject of friends, my next thanks goes to my great usher Paul, as before with Tony, it has to be said that you are too a great friend. Who's brought happiness and laughter to my life and it's been an honour to have you here with us today.

Our final thank you you'd be please to know is to the bridesmaids each one doesn't scrub up to bad at all. You all look truly beautiful today and it has to be said that a finer procession of ladies we could not ask for, (Well With the Exceptions of the Playboy Centrefold Models but hey!) Each one of you oozes elegance and grace and has brought an extra something to this role.

Ladies and Gentlemen I'd like to propose a toast so if you wouldn't mind raising your glasses to drink to the bridesmaids

The Bridesmaids..

That's me done I'd once again like to thank you one for you perseverance and secondly for the cards and gifts,,,,, and above all for being here. Thank you.

I'll pass you over now to the very capable hands of my best man Tony.