Speech by Pete Morris

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Pete Morris
Speech Date: 05/10/2013 22:00:51

Distinguished guests, friends, gypsies, tramps, and anyone else who wandered in I'm going to make the most of the first and last time as a married man that I will get to speak on behalf of both of us. That said it is an honour to do so and I'll do my best not to get into trouble this early in our marriage. I did have an amazing speech written but now I'm married Charlotte has told me what to say

Please can you make sure you have a drink to hand as there will be a few toasts, and Tom when I say toast it doesn't mean down it in one

I'd like to thank Norman for those kinds words, I know you weren't looking forward to making the speech and well done for avoiding using the language you normally use in your pre match motivational talks with F at the start of every other word

So on behalf of my wife and I, It's lovely to see so many of our family and friends here today to help us celebrate the happiest day of our lives or second happiest day of our lives after the birth of Lily. I know some of you have travelled a fair way others have just rocked up from round the corner so to be honest it would have been pretty poor if you hadn‘t. That said it means a lot to us and it wouldn't be the same without you all, a lot cheaper but that's not the point. Especially as you've taken time of work to be here, so we're really pleased you like us enough, or you just don't like your work very much. Thank you in advance for your cards a gifts especially the cheques as I'll be using my banking knowledge, your account details and signatures to set up all of our direct debits on your accounts.

Unfortunately it's not been possible for everyone we would have wanted to be here today. Especially our grandparents, my gran & grandad, Charlotte's grandparents, May and Busty and pop and nana. We know they're with us in spirit and in our hearts and will be raising a port, a glass of crème de menthe, a whisky or a cup of tea. So if you can all stand and join me in a toast (allow time to stand) to absent friends and family.

I'd also like to thank Charlotte's parents Norman and Jacky for taking me into their family from day (count) 427, and making me feel part of it. I'd also like to thank them for Charlotte's upbringing, which have made her the person she is today, kind, caring, sensitive and loving. Thank you especially for her love of the finer things, which also normally tend to be the more expensive things. We'd also like to thank you for your generosity and support for today to enable Charlotte to marry the man of her dreams. We have a couple of small gifts to say thank you.

Thank you to my parents, you taught me the difference between right and wrong, so then at least I knew when I was doing wrong. They showed me the value of hardwork, unfortunately I ignored this through my teen years but I did become very good at Championship Manager. But you made me the person I am today, I'll leave it up to you all to decide if that's a good thing or not. Seriously thank you for everything you've done for me and for us and your generosity for today, I know I wasn‘t always the easiest child and I love you very much. We also have a little gift for you too

I'd like you to raise a toast to OUR PARENTS

On to the bridesmaids and I think you'll agree they look stunning today. Emily and Vicky have been friends of Charlotte's for many years now, they've been through a lot together and I know it means a lot to her to have them both as her bridesmaids, lots of planning has gone into the everything and Vicky for arranging the hen do, it's a good job you are the most organised person here. I know that Charlotte had a great time and I have seen a few strange photos too. Also Vicky for your lovely reading in church. So please can I ask you to be upstanding again and raise a toast, “ to the bridesmaids” not only do you get a toast, you get a gift as well as a token of our thanks so if I could ask you to come and collect them

Aidan did a fantastic job of getting Lily to walk down the aisle and looked very smart too, great work and we've got you a little something to say thank you

There is an unwritten rule of wedding etiquette that states nobody should look more handsome than the groom, some of you buggers obviously weren't aware of that, but I'd like to thank our ushers, our brothers Alan and Nick for sticking to that rule to the letter. They did a great job of getting people into the church after completing the security checks, there wasn't a discarded rucksack or Taliban member in site, well done gents. We also have a little something for each of you too

I'd also like to thank my best man for keeping me sane, bacon and eggs this morning, reassuring me that Charlotte would turn up. He's been a great friend over the years and looked after me on my stag do, I say looked after me, he walked off when I was being sick in the public bin in front of hundereds on Bournemouth seafront. We've got a present to say thanks, and to bribe you to be nice in your speech.

I'd also like to say a huge thank you to Jeanne, Sara and Barbara for putting up with the most demanding bride for flowers you've probably ever had and you've done a stunning job to live up to Charlotte's high expectations and you can relax now. We have a few gifts for you all too.

Thank you to Sam, for Charlotte's wonderful make up, we have a little something for you and last but by no means least Kevin for your magic, we did have a present but kazam it disappeared. Only joking we have a little something for you too

Last thank you is to Buxted Park

Can we say 3 cheers to everyone involved hip hip

Now I turn my attention to my new wife, Mrs Charlotte Morris, she looks amazing today and it makes me realise how lucky I am to have her sat next to me. She's already made me the happiest man alive with the amazing gift of Lily and now the proudest too by agreeing to marry me. When I saw her walking down the aisle it took my breath away, luckily I got it back to say I will. She's been amazing for me, putting up with my strange ways and I love her humour, she is my best friend and someone I can always talk to, if she'd actually listen to me as well it'd be even better. We compliment each other very well she gives me orders and I take them. But seriously I'm so glad you agreed to be my wife and you're already an amazing mum to Lily I'm looking forward to the rest of my life with you as Mrs Morris. Also a massive thank you for the effort you put in to make today so special. How people arranged wedding days before google I have no idea.

I'd now like you to all stand (allow time) to raise a toast to my best friend, the best mum in the world and now my wife the toast is “ to the bride”

I've made him sweat long enough, now I have the honour of passing on to the most nervous man in the room, when I phoned him in February last year and told him that the wedding was off, he didn't believe me at first, then after winding him up for about 10 minutes I told him our great news that Lily was on the way, after congratulating me I remember his next words, “ thank f### for that, it means I don't have to do my speech now “.

To be honest it took a lot of phone calls and paperwork to even get him here today it's amazing what you have to go through to get day release from some of those homes. For those of you with bets on time, I thought I'd point out he has to be back in ten minutes to be put in his padded cell for the night, so please take everything he says with a pinch of salt.

Please make him feel welcome with heckling, booing as this is what makes him feel comfortable as he‘s used to it every Saturday on a football pitch and then when he gets home from Kate. I was hoping to have his dad along today as he was always the most vocal on the sideline, if I had a pound for every time I'd heard his “for f###s sake Steve” or “ You wally” I'd be a rich man.

Enjoy you evening, eat, drink and be well, cheers