Speech by Richard Morris

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Richard Morris
Speech Date: 08/01/2014 12:18:20

Ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls…It's lovely to see so many family and friends here today to celebrate with us on one of the happiest day of our lives. For me it was run close by the day [team] beat [team] at Wembley, but….

In preparing for this speech I based it on a piece of advice that someone in this very room gave to me. That person said that a good speech should be a lot like a mini-skirt – long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep your interest! That seemed sensible to me, and the good news is that as the Groom I don't have to be funny – that's the best man's job. Good luck, [name].

Seriously though, it means a great deal to both of us that you wanted to be here. Either that or you really just don't like your jobs and wanted an excuse for another day off after Christmas. Either way, it wouldn't be the same without you. Cheaper, but I guess that's not really the point! So thank you all.

Thank you also for your generous cards and gifts, and particularly those of you who have given us cheques. We really are grateful, especially as we'll be using the details on those to set up direct debits to pay our bills for years to come. Who said identity theft was a bad thing?!

With that in mind I'd ask that you all ensure that your glasses are fully charged as I'll be proposing a number of toasts over the course of the next few minutes.

Weddings are about love and happiness and looking to the future. But there are, of course, people dear to us who can't be here today. I hope that you will join us in remembering them.

I'll be speaking more about my new wife in a moment or two, but before that I wanted to thank[name]’s mum, [name], for helping her to become the kind, caring and considerate woman she is. Thank you also for your help in organising today. We have a small gift we'd like to give you as a token of our appreciation. We hope you enjoy it. [Give champagne].

At the risk of this starting to sound like a BAFTA acceptance speech, thanks too to my own wonderful parents. They taught me the difference between right and wrong, so at least I knew when I'd crossed the line. They also showed me the value of love and hardwork, and of constantly wanting to do better for your family, and I thank them for that. Without a doubt they made me who I am today. I'll leave that to you to decide whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. We have a little gift for you too. [Give champagne].

Many of you will know that my wife has long admired the style and work of Audrey Hepburn. She once said that the only thing that matters in life is to be happy. Today, I know just what she meant and how right she was.

In the early summer of 2008 few would have predicted that an email exchange in which [name] poked fun at my aviator sunglasses would end up where we are today. But I am so glad that it did. [Name], you will always be my Goose!

Our relationship certainly raised eyebrows at the time, mainly because it wasn't considered the done thing for a senior manager to be having a relationship with someone within their own department! But I think people quickly recognised that this was no ordinary office fling as we became more and more inseparable.

In [name] I found what I had spent my whole life looking for. A woman who is beautiful, caring, passionate and considerate. Someone who knows me better that I know myself, and is confident in challenging me and not letting me always get my own way. She's someone who has a wicked sense of humour and a fantastic sense of fun.

She's been amazing for me, putting up with my strange ways and mannerisms. She is my best friend and someone I can always talk to about anything. If she'd actually listen to me as well it'd be even better. We complement each other perfectly – in part because she gives me orders and I take them.

But seriously I'm so glad you agreed to be my wife and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you as Mrs [name]. When you walked down the aisle today, you took my breath away and I truly felt like the luckiest man alive. I love you with all of my heart.

At this point I'd like you all to stand and join me in a toast to the bride, and my wife, Mrs [name].

[The Bride].

Of course, when [name] and I got together there was a little more to the package with the added bonus of [name] and [name]. Those girls accepted me in to their lives from the start, and I can't tell you how honoured and privileged I felt when they decided to call me ‘dad’ for the first time. I know they've been looking forward to this day just as much as [name] and I have, because it brings us together as a proper family once and for always.

Then, of course, in the summer of 2011 came our own little boy – [name]. What many of you won't know is that his story is something of a miracle – not quite a Christmas miracle perhaps – but a miracle nonetheless.

And in that little boy, together with [name] and [name], all of my dreams were realised. All three of them are a credit to [name] and the fantastic mum she is. They've each made a fantastic contribution to making today what it is, in many ways stealing the show, and we have a small gift for each of them. [Give gifts].

We're nearing the end, but just a few more people that I'd like to thank. Then I'll hand over to [name] to be ridiculed before being able to enjoy the rest of the day.

Firstly, my Groomsmen [name] and [name], or [name] to those who know him best. I met both as a young lad when I started playing cricket, first for [team] and then [team]. Over the years we've had some great laughs and been in a few tight spots and, while like typical blokes we don't always see each other as much as we'd like, they are both true friends who I know I can always rely on when the chips are down. I'm proud to call you friends.

There's an unwritten rule of wedding etiquette that states that nobody should look more handsome than the groom and I'd like to thank them both for sticking to that rule to the letter. Fellas, you have done a sterling job, not only today but in the build-up, particularly in keeping me sane, and we have a gift for you both to say thank you. [Give gifts].

Finally, thank you to [name]’s maids of honour – [name] and [name]. You both look lovely and thank you both for taking care of [name] in the build-up to our big day. We have gifts for you too. [Give gifts].

At this point I would like to ask you to please stand and join me in toasting the bridesmaids.

[The bridesmaids].

I really am almost done. But before I hand over to [name] for the best man's speech I thought I ought to make you aware of something. While [name] has been a wonderful friend of mine for many years I'm conscious that many of you may be meeting him for the first time today. If that's the case it's important I let you know that he suffers from a very rare medical condition – known as Exaggeritus.

This condition causes him to believe that fictional events he dreams up are indeed real. It can be quite distressing for those of us who are close to him but, as I've said, he's been a good mate for a long time – and I wouldn't want anyone to go upsetting him. So, if you could bear with him, even join in with him, on his story of make believe I would appreciate it!

Without further ado I'd therefore like to hand you over to my best man, [name], and ask that you make him feel welcome with as much booing and heckling as you can muster. [Name].