Speech by Robin X Williams

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Robin X Williams
Speech Date: oct 2004

Ladies and Gentleman I'd like to start my speech today with something a little different….and it goes a little something like this… 1, 2, a 1-2-3…come on I'm not that cruel. Although I'm slightly worried that as I looked around the room most of you new the words already!

I feel a bit like David Beckham in this suit…..what do you think? The similarity doesn't end there, I also spent most of my wedding morning sat on a throne!!

Ok…

Distinguished guests, those of lesser distinction, and those of no distinction at all (as people laugh "you know who you are!") family, relatives, new and old, in-laws, outlaws, friends, friends of friends, freeloaders and hangers-on. Welcome to our wedding reception (pause for laugh hopefully!).

Thank you very much, Malcolm, for your kind words….I think! I am really proud to have become Erica's husband and in the process, become Malcolm and Rosemary's son-in-law. We would both like to say a huge thank you to them, for together, they have looked after Erica her whole life, always been there for her when she needed them and brought her up to be the person she is today.

We also thank them for giving us their blessing and I personally hope that I can live up to the honour – or failing that continue to pull the wool over your eyes. Malcolm, and Rosemary I promise to look after your pride and joy…… and if you park it up at the back I will try wash it before I leave tomorrow. I would also like to say please don't think of this as losing a daughter but more like gaining the chance to put off retirement.

It goes almost without saying how pleased I am to be here today. However, as it has been said that I like the sound of my own voice, I intend to only speak for a few minutes – besides chicken always gives me wind!

In all honesty I have got it easy today. When all I have to do is marry the beautiful young lady sitting beside me – and I'm sure you'll agree Mrs Titley-Williams looks absolutely stunning – then what could be easier?

The hardest thing I have had to do is choose the music for today's ceremony. We were given a few suggestions, but we didn't think Please Release Me or Road to Hell where quite what we where looking for!

Malcolm came up with a suggestion for the music to which the mothers walk in to (hums theme to Jaws!) – which obviously wasn't very appropriate – I came up wit a much more suitable alternative (hums ‘stripper’ music!)

The fact that everything has been so easy for me and run so smoothly (up to now) means that I have a lot of people to thank. Those people who have supported us with our preparations and through life in general – I'll come back to them.

Before that I would like to thank you all for your presence, in both senses of the word, but especially for the smiling faces I see in front of me. It is fantastic to see all those people that are so special to us assembled in one room to help us celebrate. While I'm on that note most of you know the last couple of years have been difficult for our families – and we would like to take a moment to remember those people who can't be with us today. I am not going to name them – because I don't think I'd be able to – but as we all have people we remember at times like these we would like to raise a glass to absent friends.

Really we have so many people to thank this will start to sound like an acceptance speech – please bear with me.

Firstly we would like to extend our thanks to the Albrighton Hall Hotel and in particular to Rob the wedding co-ordinator, who has worked wonders trying to keep us calm and prepared for today. Although I was beginning to worry when he was spending more time talking to my wife-to-be than I was. I think we can all agree that they have done us proud.

To the Figaro String Quartet who have provided the beautiful musical accompaniment to the proceedings.

To our photographer Steve Ford who you will have seen up a tree or on his back throughout the day, and to Cam3, Andrew who is placed at the back catching every stutter, fumble and nervous twitch. As I look around the room I am amazed no one has given you a moonie yet!

A big thank you must also go to our Master of ceremonies who has also worked his socks off to ensure that everything runs without hitch and has reassured us throughout the day. Thank you Roy.

Now to those special people:

Firstly the BRIDESMAIDS:

Georgia: Not only has she been the apple of her Father's eye for some years – she has long been the apple of her Uncle Robin's eye too. Georgia, you don't know how lucky you are – for years you have wanted to give your uncle away – and now it has been done for you.

Megan and Beth: I have to say thanks to you both for not only being two of the most adorable bridesmaids but for providing so much entertainment…..if I'd have known just how entertaining Beats-working's contract may have been in jeopardy.

To my Sister Sophie… When we asked Sophie to be a bridesmaid I have to admit that we were a little bit anxious. Not because we thought she wouldn't do a great Job, more to do with the fact that we didn't know how the trianers or football boots would look with the dress, or whether she would be sporting a cast from her latest skateboarding or street-hockey incident. But of course we had failed to notice what an elegant young lady she has become…

You have all done us proud…and I know Erica has given each of you a gift as a token of our appreciation. So for my first toast of the day I'd like you all to charge your glasses and be upstanding while we toast the Bridesmaids "The bridemaids"..…

I have already mentioned how grateful I am to Erica's parents – Rosemary for all the help in the planning for today and Malcolm for taking on the second mortgage without complaint like the generous man he is!!!! While I am on the subject of Malcolm he gave me a piece of paper earlier in the day and haven't had chance to read it yet.

Oh – it is a receipt. It reads: Received one daughter in perfect condition, full guaranteed, fully warranted. Comes complete with all extras. The nurse's uniform is my favourite but even though Malcolm has lost weight it is still a bit tight under the arms! Care notes : gets bored easily keep busy with constant supply of chores – I'll get you to sign that later!

Today represents a great occasion for both my parents, being the culmination of many years of planning of a different sort. They have prepared me well, supported me through school and college, taught me the difference between right and wrong, so that I know which I am enjoying at any given time! I would like to thank them for their support over the years and for basically letting me live this long considering the stress I have put them through on times.

By the way – not to be out done Malcolm, my family have also provided a receipt. Received one son, sold as seen for spare or repair! No refunds under any circumstances. His old room has been redecorated and the locks changed so you're stuck with him. Poor starter, especially on cold mornings, we find a kick start normally helps.
There is a bit here about being a comfortable ride but the less said about that the better!

Care Notes : de-hydrates easily top up regularly with beer.

At this point I would like to give gifts to our parents. Tradition says we should give our mum's flowers, but Erica and I wanted to give you something more permanent..… So we
have booked you both in for a tattoo!
Only kidding, these are just a small token of our thanks for always being there.

Erica and I have also had the good fortune to be blessed with the kind of grandparents that children dream about. So as a thank you for all the brilliant times we have had with them we'd like to give something to Nan Williams.

USHERS:
Now on to my motley crew, briefly:
GRAHAM:
Anyone who knows Graham will know that he has been Erica longest and dearest friend
And drinking partner.

It is because Graham has known Erica and her parents for such a long time that I was somewhat surprised at him mistaking Rosemary earlier today.
Apparently Graham didn't recognise Rosemary in her hat and asked "Are you a friend of the Groom? To which the reply came "Quite the opposite I'm the Brides Mother!"

No, I know Erica treasures Graham's friendship someone who I now consider a good friend.

TEL: He's been a true friend to me for what seems like most of my life.
When I say true friend, I mean the sort that's always there to point and laugh when you think your day can't get any worse. Like several of my close friends Tel and I have spent many an hour together gracing various cricket grounds around the county as part of Whittington Cricket club. Only the other day I was talking to our second team captain who remarked that he never quite knew where to place Tel in the batting order as he proved pretty useless at all positions – a sentiment that his girlfriend echoed entirely.

But saying all that Tel has been one of my best mates for nigh on 20 years now and will be for the next 20.

JULIAN: Was the first of our group of school friends to walk down the aisle and not so long ago tried to tell me that now he was an old married man he could no longer stand the pace. After seeing him on the Stag night I can't wait to be old now that I am married!

Julian has done a wonderful job and has taken his role as an usher very seriously. So seriously that he has even gone to the lengths of getting himself a job in security in readiness for any trouble at tonight's festivities…its true, as a bouncer at Mothercare.

Seriously all our ushers have performed wonderfully and have risen to the occasion today – which I am reliably informed is not always the case these days.

RUSS:
When it came to choosing my best man there could have been only one choice – even though I have some great friends around the room who I would have been proud to have step into his shoes. But, Russ has not only looked after me for 30 years, tied my shoes, got me up for school and wiped my…….nose he has also been the best friend anyone could ask for…and I am proud to have him as my best man as I am proud to call him my brother. The fact that he is my boss and its coming up for pay review is besides the point!

Being a Best man is one of the hardest things a man can do – in fact, I once heard it compared to making love to the Queen – it's a great honour but no-one really wants to do it. If its any conciliation Russ think of it like this – you are only in the witness box – it's me that's in the Dock!

Finally you'll all be relieved to hear! ERICA
Erica you have seen my good points and my worst, and you still agreed to marry me on that jetty in the Maldives – thank you for all the good years I know we are going to have together!

Before I finish I would like to leave you with a couple of thoughts. I was thinking this morning of how things go around in circles. Just over 25 years ago Erica's Mum and dad put Erica to bed with a dummy – and tonight 25 years later!!!

Ok , thank you all for your patience in indulging me today, I have kept you from the bar long enough – but just feel grateful that on the 20th of September 2003 you were here to witness the best wedding speech ever made. And to make that speech I hand you over to my best man – Russ. Good luck mate they are a tough audience!!

Enjoy the rest of the day.…