Speech by Simon Ferrari

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Simon Ferrari
Speech Date: dec 2002
WEDDING SPEECH 19TH MAY 2002

Thank-you Nigel.

On behalf of my wife and I, we would like to thank you all for being here to share in our special day, and to say it is very much appreciated as we a number of you have had a long journey.

We would also like to say thank you for all of the lovely cards and gifts we have received and hope you are all enjoying the day as much as we are

I'd like to thank our families for their support. To Nigel for being Nigel and a jolly good egg and to all my parents just for sitting at the same table! I'd also like us to think of Sharon & Nigel's parents, Harry & June, whom I sure would approve of today.

Sharon, in advance of tying the knot officially I thought I ought to do some research into how to make the marriage work and I came across a book called the Home Economics Textbook, The Good Wives Guide (1950 edition) and have a few pointers for you…

“when your husband returns from a hard days work have his dinner ready, plan ahead a night before, this is a way of letting him know you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Prepare yourself, take 15 mins to rest so you are refreshed, when he arrives put a ribbon in your hair, be a little gay and interesting for him, remember he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness upon (which) you have no right to question him.”

Fat chance I suspect!

She is beautiful, intelligent, hard-working, conscientious – I could go on, the list is endless and no I'm not going to do the usual trick of saying I can't read her writing – she dictated the list to me !

But seriously though, to my wife, I would just like to say thank you for marrying me, making me very happy and for loving me as much as I love you. I hope everyone here will join me in a round of applause for her, as she has arranged this wedding virtually single handed .

I'd like to extend my thanks to Jill for being the unconventional best man and as a suitable gesture here's a traditional best mans gift (crate of beer).

Sharon and myself would also like to thank the bouncers er. Ushers, that's Ian and er Ian for ushering so professionally. Thank you.

One amusing aspect of the organisation was when we received a card from the local post office through the door asking us to come and collect a letter which required a fee being paid. As the sorting office only receives visitors at times convenient to it it took me a good week to get around to visiting. Having got there the lady handed me one of our distinctive RSVP envelopes and explained that the second class stamp on it had been reused (apparently they have a metal strip in them which is demagnetised or something so although the stamp didn't look used it obviously had been). Probably the biggest giveaway was the fact that the stamp was selotaped to the envelope. Anyway I'd just like to say to the person or persons who sent it that I'll let you off the 59p it cost me to retrieve the RSVP but I doubt you realised your meal had been recycled the only difference was I didn't make you go to the sorting office to collect it !

Before I propose a toast I thought you'd like to know how significant this day has been in the past. The significant historical event was that the Spanish Armada set sail for England a long time ago and Billy Joel (the singer) was born on this day (probably about as long ago). Close to Sharon's heart… the 1st department store opened on this day in 1848 and also Anne Boleyn was beheaded in 1536 (obviously I meant the 1st was close to her heart not ab's beheading – well I hope). In poor taste but you might not be aware that a farm truck packed with wedding guests was struck by a train killing 66 of the guests a number of years ago so I would strongly advise not going home by farm truck today and continuing with the bad taste theme “in the navy” by village people reached number 3 in the charts in 1979. Finally, for those of you around on 19th may on 2161 (well you never know) then look out for a special syzygy – and there's a prize for anyone who can tell me what that is and why it's special (a: 8 out of 9 planets align on the same side of the sun).

Although it is funny how history repeats itself, xx years ago tonight Sharon's mum and dad would have been putting her to bed with a dummy and what is happening tonight??

Please raise your glasses, I'd like to propose a toast ……………… to absent friends.

Let me now hand you over to my best man & sister for a hopefully short and deniable speech. Jill……