Speech by Simon Weir

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Simon Weir
Speech Date: 24/04/2012 15:06:38

A place is only as good as the people you know there and today this is a wonderful place, filled with distinguished guests, relatives’ young and old and cherished friends, all who Lesley & I are very fond of … and more importantly were available on a Friday as our first choice of guests declined.

In addition to today being the greatest day of our lives, it is a special day, for you will witness a unique event in history … the very first and very last time that my wife is going to let me speak on behalf of both of us.  Before Lesley pulls a face, may I confirm it is a privilege and an honour to do so.

You will have noticed I am using a Kindle rather than a crumpled piece of paper for my speech, this is for three reasons, one Lesley would not allow me to bore you with a PowerPoint presentation.  Second the Kindle hides the length of my speech, so you cannot now decide to slip off to the bar and thirdly I am conscious someone in the room would shout out “it's not the first time today I have risen from a warm seat with sheets of paper in my hand”.

In preparation for the toasts I will raise over the next few minutes, please ensure your glasses are fully charged, and you are able to stand up freely … best check you haven't used the table cloth as your napkin.

It's lovely to see so many of you here today, to help us celebrate the happiest day of our lives.  We know that some of you have travelled a long way to be here and that means a lot to us.  It really wouldn't be the same without you … although much cheaper.

Unfortunately, it's not been possible to have everyone we love here with us today, but we know they're here with us in spirit, not only in our thoughts, but more importantly they're with us in our hearts.  So, with them in mind, please all stand, raise your glasses, and join me in a toast to absent ‘family & friends’.

“To absent family and friends”.

Thank you all for your friendship and the effort you have made for today … thank you to those of you in new clothes, those who have had clothes made, others with new underwear, the hours being dragged shopping, so ties match dresses, fortunately none of you look like you're auditioning for Strictly Come Dancing and the ultimate kindness leaving your children at home.

On behalf of my wife and me, we would like to thank our parents for everything they have done to make today happen.  We are not sure what we would have done without their support.

I would personally like to thank Brenda (& to Dave) for bringing up such a lovely ‘princess’, I mean daughter and making me feel so welcome in your family.

And to my mum and dad, whose patience I have tested over the years, through my reluctance to listen to most of their advice … well someone has to spend the country out of recession, and in Lesley & I the benefits must surely be seen in Brussels.  Please all stand, raise your glasses, and join me in a toast to our parents, ‘Dave & Brenda and David & Jolanka’.

“To Dave & Brenda and David & Jolanka”.

Apart from my wife, there are two other beautiful ladies here today who require mention, the bridesmaids.  We would like to thank them all very much for being such wonderful bridesmaids … having heard snippets from Lesley's Hen party, you went above the call of duty in ensuring Lesley's happiness.  Please all stand, raise your glasses, and join me in a toast to the ‘bridesmaids’.

“To the bridesmaids”.

Events like today don't just happen.  We have been planning this wedding for over 18 months and I honestly believe this wedding has left a lasting memory with all who have helped organise today … Mere Court, certainly all our suppliers and our close friends, who have lived every detail change; so to everyone who has helped organise today we would like to say a big thank you and assure you we'll not be pestering you anymore.  Count yourselves lucky that the wedding favours were not the commemorative mugs I wanted … we decided it was so last year for a different royal wedding.

I would like to single out one other person, as there is an unwritten rule of wedding etiquette that states that nobody should look more handsome than the groom and I'd like to thank Chris for sticking to the letter of that rule.  When he told me he first saw his suit he thought there was enough material to home a Filipino family … Chris has been my longest suffering friends and despite the distance we now live apart he still manages to make me laugh and sound like he is genuinely interested in the next must have item I have seen.

I would like to thank my wife; I know I am going to enjoy getting used to saying that … for agreeing to marry me and for making me the happiest man in the world.  I think you'll agree that she looks absolutely gorgeous today and when she walked down the aisle, she took my breath away.

They say you don't marry someone you can live with; rather you marry the person who you can't live without and I think that sums us up perfectly.

I don't know what our future holds but I know Lesley will be next to me and that's all I have ever wanted since the first moment I met her … she is my world.

Having lived with Lesley for six years now, I have learned a valuable lesson, when I'm wrong, admit it and when I'm right, keep quiet!

Seriously though, I never have a problem finding the words to express my love for Lesley, I love you so much and I can't wait to grow old with you.  Ladies and gentlemen, please stand and raise your glasses to my wife, ‘Lesley’.

“To Lesley”.

I would like to raise a final toast to the most important people here today, the ‘bar staff’.

“To the bar staff”.

Enough from me now; I know we will all remember this day with affection and we would like to thank you all once again and hope you have a great evening … remember to get yourselves trollied before our first dance, so when you check out our moves, you're thinking Swayze & Grey and not Grant & Widdecombe.