Speech by Stuart Gowing

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Stuart Gowing
Speech Date: 29/04/2014 10:29:35

Distinguished guests, dear family, dear friends, and any random estate agents who may have wandered in I'm going to make the most of the first and last time as a married man that I will get to speak on behalf of both of us. That said it is an absolute honour to do so as a married man and I'll do my best not to get into too much trouble this early in our marriage. I did actually have an amazing speech written but now I'm married – Kate has told me what to say

Before we get started, please can you make sure you have a drink to hand as there will be a few toasts, and David when I say toast it doesn't mean the type with marmite or jam on.

I'd like to thank Pete for those kinds words, I know you wasn't looking forward to making the speech and well done for avoiding using the sort of language you normally reserve for when you're watching Manchester United on the tv

So on behalf of my wife and I, It's lovely to see so many of our family and friends here today to help us celebrate, along with the birth of Kimberley, this is the happiest day of our lives . I know some of you have travelled a fair way, others have just rocked up from round the corner – so to be honest it would have been pretty poor if you hadn‘t. That said it means a lot to us and it wouldn't have been the same without you all… a lot cheaper perhaps but that's not the point. Especially if you've taken time off work to be here, we're really pleased you like us enough, or you just don't like your work very much. Thank you in advance for your cards and gifts, we actually have a gift for you later on as a gentleman called Rick will be here to draw some amusing caricature portraits for you to take away and keep – we can't wait to see how some of those turn out !

Unfortunately it isn't possible for everyone we would have wanted to be here today, especially our grandparents. Although they may have passed away a few years ago now, my grandparents were always one for a celebration, and sadly Kate lost her grandmother Rose just before Christmas and I know she would have loved to have been here too. We know they're with us in spirit and in our hearts and hopefully somewhere they will be raising a glass of sherry, or whiskey, or crème de menthe, or even a cup of tea.

So if you can all join me in a toast ……………………to absent friends and family.

I'd also like to thank Kate's parents Pete and Maureen for taking me into their family from day (count) 427, and making me feel part of it. I'd also like to thank them for Kate's upbringing, which have made her the person she is today : kind, caring, sensitive and loving. Thank you especially for her love of the finer things in life, which also normally tend to be the more expensive things. We'd also like to thank you for your generosity and support for today to enable Kate to marry the man of her dreams. What I didn't realise when you kindly helped us out however, was that you were expecting to take up occupation in our home in return !  Let's just say it's an interesting way to start married life !

Thank you to my parents, you taught me the difference between right and wrong, so then at least I knew when I was doing wrong. You showed me the value of hard work, unfortunately I ignored this through my teenage years – but I did become very good at playing pool instead. But you made me the person I am today, I'll leave it up to you all to decide if that's a good thing or not. Seriously thank you for everything you've done for me and for us and your generosity for today, I know I wasn‘t always the easiest child and I love you very much.

I'd like you all to raise a toast to OUR PARENTS

On to the bridesmaids (and flower girls) and I think you'll agree they all look stunning today. Beccy and Kate have been very good friends for many years now, they've been through a lot together and I know it means everything to Kate to have you here as a bridesmaid today. Lots of planning has gone into making today possible, Kate could never have done it all, and I was certainly never going to be trusted with anything more than deciding how many bar staff would be needed, it's a good job you are the most organised person here. Thank you to both our readers during the ceremony: my brother Karl for his carefully chosen words, and to Maria who will soon be flying away to start a new life on foreign shores – we wish you and your family all the very best for the future. Also a special mention to Fiona who worked tirelessly to get our wedding invitations together and sent out, so thank you too.

So please can I ask you to raise a toast, “ to the bridesmaids and helpers”

There is an unwritten rule of wedding etiquette that states nobody should look more handsome than the groom, some of you buggers obviously weren't aware of that, not mentioning any names….… Murray……settle down Dan. But I would like to thank our ushers however, for sticking to that rule of not looking better than the groom to the letter. They did a great job of getting people into the courtyard after completing the security checks, there wasn't a discarded rucksack or Taliban member in site, so well done gents.

A toast please, “to the ushers”

Last thank you is to Theobalds Park, we think they've done a fabulous job in everything we've asked them to do and thanks to their efforts, it has made things run smoothly for us

Can we say 3 cheers to everyone involved hip hip

Now I turn my attention to my new wife, Mrs Kate Gowing, she looks amazing today and it makes me realise how lucky I am to have her sat next to me. She's already made me the happiest man alive with the amazing gift of Kimberley and now the proudest too by agreeing to marry me. When I saw her walking down the aisle it took my breath away, luckily I got it back to say I do. She's been amazing for me, putting up with my strange ways and I love her for especially for that, she is my soul mate and someone I can always talk to, if she'd actually listen to me as well it'd be even better.

For those of you who don't know the story of how Kate and I met one another, I'll give you the short version: we both happened to randomly be at the same pub at the same time and after admiring her from afar, I eventually plucked up the courage to talk to her. The first thing she ever said to me…..and I quote……was “I'm not into men”. The second thing she said, having been told by someone else who was there was  “so you work for Keith Ian estate agents do you?” it turns out that the company I work for happened to be involved in selling an apartment that Kate once owned and hadn't done a particularly good job and there'd been a bit of a falling out shall we say – I can promise you though sweetheart that it wasn't me that did a bad job on your sale (it was). Needless to say we didn't get off to the very best of starts, but whatever I must have said after that must have won her over……….either that or simply my rugged good looks !

But seriously I'm so glad you agreed to be my wife and you're already an amazing mum to Kimberley and I'm looking forward to the rest of my life with you as Mrs Gowing. Also a massive thank you for the effort you put in to make today so special. How people arranged wedding days before the added assistance of google I have no idea.

I'd now like you to all stand this time (allow time) to raise a toast to a wonderful friend, a fantastic mum and now my beautiful wife the toast is “ to the bride”

I've made him sweat long enough – now I have the honour of passing on to the most nervous man in the room, my best man Michael.

To be honest it took a lot of phone calls and paperwork to even get him here today. It's amazing what you have to go through to get day release from some of those homes. For those of you with bets on how long Michael's speech will last, I thought I'd point out he has to be put back in his padded cell for the night in 10 minutes time, so please take everything he says with a pinch of salt.

Please make him feel welcome with heckling and booing as this is what makes him feel comfortable as he‘s used to it every weekend on the football pitch and then when he goes back to his day job.

Ladies and gentleman, thank you for listening to me, enjoy your evening, eat, drink and be well, cheers

Oh and just one last thing – a few of you have warned me to go easy with the drinking today in case I can't perform my ‘husband duties’ later this evening, let me just remind you all that estate agents ALWAYS measure up in the bedroom.

Cheers