Speech by Trevor

Speech Type: Groom
Speech Creator: Trevor
Speech Date: sep 2002
Thank you Del for those lovely words. I'd like to remind that you're not
so much losing a daughter, but regaining 3 wardrobes.
Meet the parents
I shan't forget the first time Paula took me home to meet her parents.
There was me, trembling at the knees, and there was Del, sitting in his
Satin bath robe and fluffy white slippers.
So to break the ice, I asked Del which football team he supported.
"West Ham" he replied. Which was obvious as he lives in London.
So I said "I bet it's exciting when you win a match".
"I don't know," he replied, "I've only been supporting them for 6 seasons"
Sign receipts
By the way Del, I haven't forgotten, I'll sign that receipt for you.
Del has written out a receipt for me.
Received: one daughter in perfect condition, fully guaranteed
Care Notes: gets bored easily – keep busy with a constant supply of chores.

Not to be outdone, my Mum has also has a receipt for Paula to sign.
It reads :
Received: one son, sold as seen, no refunds under any circumstances.
I've re-decorated the room and changed the locks so you're stuck with him.
Care Notes: De-hydrates easily, top up regularly with beer

Historic events
While writing this speech, I thought it would be a good idea to research
some events in history which happened on this day. It was tough, but I
found out that on this day in…

1889 Sherlock Holmes began the "Adventure of The Engineer's Thumb"
and in 1948, synthetic rubber was first used in asphaltic concrete

I'm sure both of these events will be a real inspiration to Paula and I over
the years.

Now, there are some thank you that I'd like to convey on behalf of my wife
and I Thank Paula's Parents First of all, Del and Kath.
We both want to thank you for the support you've given us.
From day one, you have been fully behind us, and have always demonstrated
how a marriage should be – and that's successful.

I'll do my best to live up to your expectations and promise to take good
care of Paula. And, of course, do everything that she tells me to do.
Mother-in-law I very happy to be able to call myself your son-in-law, and I'm also looking forward to being able to tell mother-in-law jokes in the future..…

Now, I wouldn't say my mother-in-law's cooking is bad, but when we go round
for dinner, we pray after we eat.

Thank my mum
Mum, I want to say a special thank you to you.
You've given me so much love and support over the years, have always been
there for me when I've needed you, and have been given a wonderful start in
life.

Thank you also for all the guidance and advice you've given me, for putting
up with me and for pointing me in the right direction – usually only to
watch me go off and do exactly the opposite… but of course, that's what
sons are for and do best of all.
I am very fortunate and proud that you are my mum.

Thank you all
We would also like to thank you all for your presence, in both senses of the
word.
But most of all, it's especially warming to see all the smiling faces in
front of us, some of whom have come from a long way.
We also like to remember those people who couldn't be here in person.
But I know they are here in our hearts and minds and souls.

Thank you helpers
Thank you to all of those involved in the wedding arrangements including
Peter the toastmaster, Jerry the Guitarist, and the staff at the Royal
Chace, all of whom have helped make the day for us.

Anne, Lisa, Steve, Mum, Mum-in-law
Especially, we'd like to thank my Mum, Paula's Mum and Dad, Best man Steve,
and the bridesmaids, Anne and Lisa.
As a small token of our gratitude, we have some gifts to give out.

Thank you Paula
Paula, my biggest thank you is to you.
I want to thank you for being here now as my wife, even though you're
probably suffering in silence.

For those that don't know, Paula put her back out last week, and has been in
agony since. It has nothing to do with me I might add.

Today, your outfit looks fantastic, and you look stunning in it.

Although I must admit though that when I saw the colour of Paula's dress, I
was a bit disappointed, as it means the dishwasher doesn't match the fridge
anymore – never mind.

Me and Paula meet
Paula and I have known each other as friends for around 10 years, but didn't
start dating each other until 4 years ago.
It was after work on an August summer evening, I was in the pub with my
friend, Miss Stella Artois, and I noticed a Paula on another table.
I thought I'd play hard to get, and so totally ignored her.
But as the night went on, my friend got more and more insistent that I talk
to her.
Eventually, I had no choice so I staggered over, thrust a drink in her hand,
and we have never looked back. Not the most romantic way to ask her out,
but certainly the most effective.

I am very proud to be your husband, and I couldn't have asked for a better
person to share the rest of my life with.

Thank you Bridemaid's + toast to Bridesmaid's health
Finally, thank you once again to Lisa and Anne for acting as bridesmaids
today.
So would everyone please join me in a toast to the two beautiful
bridesmaids, "To the good health of Lisa and Anne".

Best Mans speech
So now, please suspend your belief for the next 5 minutes, as you listen to
the Best Man's speech.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr Steven Brocklesby.

Receipt for one Paula

Received
One daughter in perfect condition, fully guaranteed

Care Notes
Gets bored easily – keep busy with a constant supply of chores.

Signed ……………………..…

Receipt for one Trevor

Received
One son, sold as seen, no refunds under any circumstances.
I've re-decorated the room and changed the locks so you're stuck with him.

Care Notes
De-hydrates easily, top up regularly with beer

Signed ……………………..…