Speech by Emily Bailey

Speech Type: Maid of honour/Best woman
Speech Creator: Emily Bailey
Speech Date: nov 2003
Before I talk a little bit about Bill. On a serious note, I would just like to take this opportunity to read a few cards from people who could not join us today.

(READ CARDS)

On behalf of myself and Karen (bridesmaid) I would like to thank you for asking us to play a part in your special day.

I would also like to thank you especially for asking me to be best “man” today. It came as a surprise to be asked but not half as much as when the outfitter said she had some great ideas for women as best men even more shocked when asked if I possessed my own braces & cufflinks.

I did have to say enough is enough when it was pointed out that my bottom filled out the trousers a little more than most men. What can I say….I'm all woman!

Seriously though the job of Best LADY was quite a daunting one, so I had a look on the internet about my traditional duties. These are some of them..

Bring a cheque book for any payments the groom may have forgotten.
Help the groom dress ? !
Ensure the groom.… ties his shoes, check his hair and that there's nothing between his teeth, uses the toilet ! and check his flies….NOW HANG ON A MINUTE.…

I didn't know about all of this. I know us Dorset families are close….but there's a limit!

But enough about me! What can I tell you about Bill, a.k.a. Charles to some of the family.

My favourite brother, actually my only brother.

I have to say he has been quite an influence on me over the years. Showing my right from wrong – well, more of the wrong than right!

He taught his kid sister how to ride a bike. (aah!) Sorry, my memory fails me, what he actually did was push me to the top of a very steep hill and convinced me that once he let go gravity would do the rest.… It did, I ended up in a sorry heap and my silence bought with ice lollies.

He was there when I cut my head open…actually he disappeared until I was carted off to the doctors. I remember an occasion when he even advised me on the skills of applying make-up…and I think the least said about where he acquired those skills the better!

He was there giving me advice on relationships when no – one would dance with me and he was there when I was dumped by me first boyfriend.

In fact Bill, you have been there through all my hard times – MAN! You're a JINX!

Seriously, Bill has always been someone I could look up to.

A dedicated follower of fashion, who once chewed a hole through his teddy bear tie as an act of rebellion in his early days as style guru. To the present day – the only builder I know seen in nothing less than Ben Sherman shirts and Cuban heels!

And ‘Come Dancing’! EAT YOUR HEART OUT! For a man whose delicate ankles look as though they'd snap in the slightest breeze, he manages to give a floor show that can only be compared to Michael Flatley! A slave to the moves, he had to be surgically removed from the dance floor on his stag do’, before afflicting injury to other dancers.

Talking of the stag do’ I have to say I think the boys are getting a little past it. I had the ‘pleasure’ of driving a bus full of builders for the night who were surprisingly well behaved. We only lost four during the night and managed to return them all home intact. The highlight of the evening being a guy interrupting Bill's exuberant moves to say….”ERE! THAT'S MY MUM YOUR DANCIN’ WIV!”

And I have to add ladies, that our chaps just don't have the stamina they used to. For those that don't know, the following evening while the girls were out painting Dorchester red, the boys spent the night watching scantily clad women pour themselves over the latest sportscars. Sadly, they were all sleeping like babies on the sofa! Face it boys when it comes to living it up you've hit your peak.

But although for my older brother the years are starting to show, those grey hairs becoming more prominent he still manages to get some exercise.

Anyone who has spent an evening out in Dorchester with him will have experienced his new sport of ‘hedge hurdles’!

Soon to be recognised as a national activity, the sight of my ….older, more… mature, more… responsible ? brother, disappearing into any number of hedgerows on the walk home, has to be seen to be appreciated. I believe that on many occasions residents in Dorchester have reported strange crop circle type indentations appearing in their highly manicured hedges overnight. Don't worry bruv’ your secret is safe with me.

So enough character assassination of my poor brother for now.

I would also like to thank you all for coming to celebrate this special day, especially those who I know who have travelled a long way to get here.

Also I would like to say a big well done to both Paula and Bill for organising such a splendid day and to thank YOU, for inviting us all here to share it with you.

Paula. I know that we will all agree that you look absolutely stunning. My brother is a very lucky man.

And Bill. Well, you don't scrub up too bad yourself!

My only wish is that Dad could not have been here to see you, I know how proud he would have been of his son. Not just for today but in all that he has achieved.

I can speak on behalf of mum and myself to say that we are so very, very proud of both of you.

SO! Before this gets to serious, even waterproof mascara has it's limitations!
Just a few words to my big brother from your little sis’..…

Bill…Charlie….Bob…..whatever your name is …can you fix it? Yes you can!

Trust me…there are a couple of phrases that us girls love to hear….three little words that work wonders…

“ You're right dear.”

And perhaps more importantly…

“OK buy it !”

You'll be glad to hear that I will leave it there. I'll just finish off by wishing Bill & Paula every happiness for the future.
LADIES & GENTS…would you please raise your glasses to toast the happy couple…to Bill & Paula.