Speech by Roberta Sinclair

Speech Type: Maid of honour/Best woman
Speech Creator: Roberta Sinclair
Speech Date: nov 2002
Bonjour et Bienvenue a tous, Welcome and thanks to all for coming today. My name is Roberta Sinclair I am the maid of honor and friend to the bride.
I once read that a person would be lucky to find one true friend in your entire lifetime, (pause)… I guess I must have lucked out with Mimi.… or is she the one that lucked out with me? (pause)……I'm still trying to figure that one out.
Mimi and I went to High school together, I guess it was inevitable that we would become good friends considering our mutual love(pause)… No….not you Kyle(pause)… our love of HORSES.
When Mimi first asked me to be her maid of honor, my first thought was… Wow!!
What have I done to be blessed with such an honor? (pause)… Honor? Having to write a speech and read it in a room full of people is an honor? (pause)…..Mimi, you have a sick sense of humor.
Since this is my first go around as a maid of honor, I wasn't too sure what my role would be. (pause)… Mimi has been so helpless and unsure all her life I didn't know if I could handle the task.… In my uncertainty, I tracked down a book named “Idiot's Guide to being a Maid of Honor” I figured this book would be simple enough for me.
My duties were listed as follows:
Number one: get the bride to church sober and on time.
Well, (pause)… since Mimi is now legally married, I think you'll agree that I fulfilled my first duty.
Number two: Bring a cheque book to cover payments the bride may have forgotten.
Well given Mimi's memory, I might be bankrupt by the end of this day.
Number three: Help the bride with her dress (pause)….Can someone please tell me why all those damn dresses have to have so many buttons & ties? Here I should thank the other bride's maids for helping me out with that dress.
Number four: To keep all ex-boyfriends at bay – word has it they're all busy watching the movie "runaway bride".
My last task was to finally; make this speech. (pause)… Which by the way I hope is not putting too many people to sleep yet.
I was looking to give Mimi some advice for the upcoming years. One article I came across offered some suggestions.… Are you listening Mimi? (pause)…
A good wife should always greet her husband pleasantly when he comes home from work, have a hot supper ready, listen to all his problems quietly and patiently while never mentioning her own problems due to the unnecessary stress it would cause him(pause)… Before Mimi jumps up to strangle me, I'll let you know the information was based in the 1950’s.
I didn't think this advice would work for this relationship…right Mimi?
Instead, I found a poem entitled "All the Things I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" So, my words of advice are:
share everything (including the bedcovers)
play fair
don't hit people
put things back where you found them
clean up your own mess
say you're sorry when you hurt someone
wash your hands before you eat
and flush
Ok, Mimi & Kyle, You've go to humor me now,
Mimi if you could place your hand flat on the table …Right Kyle, if you would like to place your hand directly on top of Mimi's…Enjoying it? Well, make the most of it because it's the last time you'll have the upper hand! (pause)…
Well Kyle, Mimi's no easy keeper, she'll definitively keep life interesting for you. To keep peace in the household, here's some helpful advice for you. (pause)…
Whenever you're wrong, admit it, whenever you're right, just shut up.
The best way to remember an anniversary is to forget it just once.
Set the ground rules first and then do everything Mimi says.
Never be afraid that Mimi will leave you, she's spent years training you: (pause)… to hand you over to another woman would be unthinkable.
On that note before I get into any more trouble, please raise your glasses for a toast.
To Mimi and Kyle,
"May your love be like the wind, strong enough to move the clouds, soft enough to never hurt, but always and never ending."