Speech by Stephanie J Foster

Speech Type: Maid of honour/Best woman
Speech Creator: Stephanie J Foster
Speech Date: Jul 2002
Good evening everyone. Before I start, I read in some guidelines that if I get any unexpected laughter, that I should check my fly. None of you can see it, so I should be alright.

For those of you who don't already know me, I am Stephanie, Jolene's SLIGHTLY older sister. Now, I have to admit that I am a little bit nervous, so to make myself feel better, I am imagining that you are all naked. Oh! My apologies. I was little distracted.

I will begin by reintroducing the bride. This is Schmoley. I found that introduction to be necessary so that you know whom I am referencing and don't think that I am confused as to whose wedding I am at.

Schmoley, it is an absolute honor for me to stand by your side today. I am so happy that you ‘informed’ me that I was to be your maid of honor. Thank you. I am grateful that you have found love and happiness in Bryan. On behalf of the bridesmaids and myself, I just want to say how beautiful and radiant you look today, it has truly been a special day all of us. Even the cake was in tiers. Some of you will get that on your way home.

When Schmoley first ‘informed’ me that I was to be her maid of honor, my first feelings were of extreme and enormous pride and wondered what I had done to be blessed with such an honor? Then I got suspicious and thought there has to be a ‘catch’ – who had dropped out at the last minute? Had all of her friends left the country? AND Could I say NO and still get invited to the wedding, but more importantly to the reception? About a week ago, the ‘catch’ reared its ugly head when Schmoley nonchalantly inquired as to whether I had completed my speech for the reception? Fear ran through my body. So, please don't worry, this won't take too long.

My Mom and I always said since Schmoley was but barely a toddler, that she would grow up, get married, live on a farm and have lots of babies. I remain unsure about the growing up part , but she has successfully completed step two. For any of you who know her and her passion for sewing and quilting and her style of decorating, you know she has country in her heart and develops it in her home even if the barn and herd are missing. That brings us to step four. Now speaking for Mom, she has just been salivating at the thought of grandbabies for years. So, that is your destiny.

I was already living in Arizona when Schmoley met Bryan that fateful day in July at Biology Camp six years ago when their two worlds collided. Even at such a distance, I have seen that they have grown from long distance high school sweethearts to mature adults who understand that a relationship requires commitment and compromise. Through major life changes and everyday hurdles, Schmoley and Bryan have shared mutual love and trust. These qualities will no doubt come in handy as a married couple in years to come.

Speaking of handy qualities, I thought I should offer some words of wisdom to the newly married couple about married life. For those of you who are skeptical about my knowledge, I will admit that I went to an outside source. Isn't the internet the best thing since sliced bread? I found a lot of advice on the internet. One of which suggested that a good wife should always greet her husband pleasantly when he comes home from work and ensure that she listens to all of his problems before she discusses her day with him. However, I had a challenge with that and couldn't in good conscience offer that as wisdom. Instead, I found a poem entitled "All the Things I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten" and I thought that would apply to Schmoley and Bryan's marriage. So, my words of advice are:

Share everything (including the bedcovers)
Play fair
Don't hit people
Put things back where you found them
Clean up your own mess (especially if you live in an apartment)
Don't take things that aren't yours
Say you're sorry when you hurt someone
Wash your hands before you eat
Flush

I would also like to add a few other tidbits of advice for a successful and happy marriage.

Always remember to say those three important little words . . . . . . . . ."You're right dear."
If you're clever, you'll always have the last word. However, if you are very clever, you won't use it. AND
Whenever you are wrong, admit it. Whenever you are right, be quiet.
Just remember a marriage is made in heaven, but the maintenance work is to be carried out here on earth!

We are all here today to celebrate everything that Schmoley and Bryan have found in each other – a best friend, a lover, a teacher, a playmate, a true partner for life. As you sit side by side through this roller coaster of life, remember to scream from the peaks, hold hands through the dips, laugh through the loop the loops and enjoy every twist and turn for the ride is better because you share it together. Separately, you are two special, remarkable people, but together you are complete. May you both continue to grow in love, not forgetting the importance of understanding, forgiveness, and tolerance. Most importantly, may you always remember the love that brought you together today – a love so strong that you decided to share it forever in each other's company. In the fullness of your life together, may your love for each other continue to grow stronger. Today, you are joined together as man and wife to commence that long and wonderful journey of growing old together.

On behalf of my Mom, Charlie, Kerry, Craig, Kevin and myself, I would like to welcome Bryan, his Mom and Dad, Jeanette and David, and his sisters, Mandy and Sarah, into our family. We all look forward to getting to know you better.

Finally, on behalf of the bride and groom, I would like to thank everyone for sharing their special day. It is a true millstone – I'm sorry! Typos! Milestone in their lives. On behalf of myself, I wish you had all stayed home – as things would have been a lot easier on me – No Speeches! It took me four hours to write this speech and I suspect you all feel like I've been delivering it equally as long. Now, it gives me immense pleasure (not to mention relief as I am nearly done now) to invite you all to stand and raise your glass in a toast to Schmoley and Bryan.

May your lives continue with equal joy and may you share many joyful occasions and reunions such as this with our friends and families. May your love be like the wind, strong enough to move the clouds, soft enough to never hurt, but always never ending. To love, laughter and happily ever after! And, Bryan, a happy wife, makes for a happy life! Cheers!